Life.

My brain has felt a bit like a jumbled mess the past couple weeks. I've been thinking about a lot; moments, change, speaking up, and regrets to name a few. Sometimes, I can't get out what I'm thinking into words and onto the screen in front of me. So here is my best effort :)

Moments & Change:

So many sweet little memories keep popping in my head, mostly of those who have drifted out of my life. I think those memories come back more frequently than those of who are in my life now, because I miss them. I miss hanging out with my little sister all the time, just because we could. I miss going to my good friend's and my favorite restaurant, staying there for hours, and eating garlic bread and fries. I miss laughing at literally, the dumbest things with a gal who I once was so close with... 

We're given 80+ years to be on this earth, to share our lives with people we love. No matter what happens, everyone you love to some degree or another, has a piece of your life, a piece of you. Those sweet memories will always be perfect to me, regardless of how my relationships with those people have turned out now. The reason those people and I are no longer close is because they changed, and I changed. Maybe at the time, who we were needed each other, and who we are now, doesn't.

 

They say the only thing constant in life is change. I surely believe that. Although we grow, change, and become, we can always keep those sweet little pieces of time with us. So I do :) and I squeeze every bit of joy out of those moments I have now; like craft night with Kim and making the greatest videos with heliumbooth. Playing Mario Party on the N64 with Brys (we are that cool :)). Spending hours at Zupa's talking with Dal. Laughing so hard on the phone with Ash. And singing songs with Owen as we walk to the park.

Speaking up and Regrets: 

The bff and I have been good friends for the past two years or so. We knew each other in high school, but were barely acquaintances. Turns out, we both wanted to be friends with each other, but thought the other was too cool for us.... Goodness. We could have had this friendship for so much longer, all one of us had to do was say, 'Hey, we should hang out.'

There are other people I wish I would have been friends with, and guys I wish I would have had the guts to talk to. So I've been trying to not let history repeat itself. I have regrets. I don't know how people don't. There are plenty of things I've done, said, or more often, not said, that I wish I could change. But I learn from those experiences and improve myself, which is key. 

So now, if there's someone I want to be friends with, I reach out to them. If there's a guy I want to go out with, I very, and I mean very nervously, tell them. It hasn't always turned out well, I'd say more not than often, but that's okay :) better to try than wonder 'what if...'. 

I'm determined to never ask myself, 'what if..' again. So when....

I'm blown away by someone's brilliance, I tell them.

I think someone looks amazing, I let them know.

Something good happens for someone, I tell them how happy I am for them.

A person lifts my spirits, I thank them.

Someone inspires me, I let them know how they impacted me.
I love someone, I not only tell them, but I show them.

Have a lovely weekend :)

Out of the Zone

Lately I've been trying to get out of my comfort zone. I've been trying to be braver; saying how I feel regardless of the possibility of uncomfortable confrontation. I've been trying new things; anything from food to longboarding. I've been trying to talk with and get to know people I don't know, or know very little about. This may not seem like a big deal, these things may seem so simple, and so easy to some of you. Let me explain...

I like keeping to myself. I have no problem sitting alone. I like sticking to routine. I'm not the best with spur-of-the-moment things. I'm not anti-social, but I wouldn't call myself a social butterfly...

For example: I don't like talking on the phone. I almost cried when I started working at age 14, because talking on the phone and in store with customers was 50% of my job. I was scared. It took me a long time to be comfortable with that type of interaction... Now I enjoy it. I like when customers come in, and although I only help them for a minute or two, I like making small talk. I like knowing a tiny bit of their story; whether they've been painting their house all day, with the proof on their hands, or they're getting ready for 'Survivor' night, or going to the park to enjoy the beautiful day. I love hearing about it.

I think my contentment of keeping to myself was a combination of shyness, insecurity, and most of all comfort.

I'm definitely not as shy as I once was. I'm over that.

Insecurity? Over that, too. I'm awesome.

Comfort... That is the kicker. It's so easy for me to stay in my comfort zone. It's easy to live in my own world and keep to myself. But guess what? Eventually, it gets old. There's no progression, no adventure, and no excitement in that.

This year I've been trying to get out of my zone, have more of a YOLO attitude (yes, I'm that cool), and say, 'yeah, why not?' instead of 'nope, definitely not'.

At the beginning of the year, my friends invited me and the bff to go country dancing. We were so hesitant. So hesitant that we said we would go, but we would definitely be in the corner the whole time, talking amongst ourselves. We went, danced, and had to our surprise, so much fun. It was definitely out of our zones, but we tried, and we conquered :)

Style wise, I've been trying to branch out. I've spruced it up a bit, wearing things that I loved, but thought were too weird. No more of that; a bit of weirdness it is :) The funny thing is, each time I've worn something 'weird' with confidence, I get compliments up the ying yang.

I've struggled a lot with saying how I feel, and telling people what I'm thinking. This year I've spoken up a lot more than I have in the past. I tell people when I disagree with them, and explain why, instead of just going with the flow. I won't sugar coat the truth when someone asks for it. I'll tell people how wonderful I think they are. I'll tell people if they hurt me. It's been hard for me to be direct with people, but I've learned I need to either say what's going on in my heart and brain, or regret holding my thoughts inside.

Financially, I'm not a big spender. I splurge every now and then, but I watch my pennies. I get anxiety when I spend a lot. So you can see how buying a new car almost made me sick. I couldn't sleep or eat for days, while in the process of buying it. I've never been in debt and the idea of being in debt for the next five years made me crazy. Even writing this I can feel myself getting anxious about it. But I did it! I feel grown up and more confident through making that decision. So glad I did it.

My calling at church has really made me get to know people. I've been in my ward for over 2 years and I probably only knew 1/3 of people's names, not to mention anything about them. Kind of sad. Kind of pathetic. For the past few months I've really tried to get to know people and learn their stories. There are so many lovelies I am fortunate to know. When I stop by someone's home to say hi or visit, I'm always so glad I did. On a couple occasions I've felt heartbroken leaving their homes. After they share a heavy part of their story with me, I'm so sorry I wasn't there for them sooner. I'm so disappointed in myself that I could have been their friend and helped them, instead of staying comfortable, and keeping to myself.

At the end of the day, we all want to be loved. We all want a friend. We all want someone we can call when we're confused, relieved, broken, or ecstatic. I have so many of those 'someones' that I want to be as many people's 'someone' as I can. 

Here's to ending my comfort zone.
So far, so good.

I am new. I am free.

'No Poo'

It seems my hair has always been fragile, limp, prone to greasiness, and full of flyaways and split ends. I've tried so many different shampoos, conditioners, deep conditioning treatments, mouses, and so on. All of that = no progress, at least not for very long. About 9 months ago, I went and got my hair cut at Fantastic Sams, and (of course) the hair dresser suggested I try a fancy salon brand of shampoo & conditioner. I thought, why not? might as well. So I bought it, tried it, and for a while my hair was gorgeous. However, after a few months, it got a lot greasier, a lot faster. I found myself using twice as much shampoo as I was using when I started. I was bugged.

Then one magical day, I was pinning away, and I found a link titled 'How to Wash Your Hair No Poo Style'. It sounded really weird. I had to at least find out what it meant. What it meant was a miracle! I tried it, and haven't used shampoo or conditioner in my hair for almost 4 weeks now, and my hair has NEVER looked or felt better!

Turns out, shampoo strips your hair of all the oils it and your scalp produce. But guess what? Those natural oils are good for your hair, it needs them. Since you've stripped your hair of everything with the shampoo, you have to replace them with the chemicals in conditioner... Sounds kind of pointless, right? Kind of like some genius invented shampoo and conditioner to trick us into buying things we don't even need, but think we do? I think so...

Anyway, because you strip your hair of the natural oils, your hair, in reaction, produces more at a faster rate. The No Poo Method, is a way to set your hair back to a normal rate of oil production. Resulting in healthier, stronger, less greasy hair. True Story.

At the link above, you can read a much more detailed insight to the No Poo Method. I think my experience with it was the exception... It is suppose to take between 2 weeks & 2 months to get your hair back in balance. Mine took about 3 days...

What you'll need:

-Clarifying shampoo
-Baking soda
-Spray bottle. I just bought this little guy for less than a dollar.
-Vinegar (use apple cider vinegar for drier hair, it's what I used.)

To start:
-In the shower, use the clarifying shampoo. It gets rid of anything that's in your hair; product buildup, waxes, hairspray, gels, all that jazz. (I bought mine from a hair dresser a long time ago. I swim a lot, and use it after each swim to get the chlorine out of my hair.) You can find it at any store. I know Suave makes it.

-After rinsing out (really well) the clarifying shampoo, it's time for the baking soda. (I keep mine in a small tupperware in the shower.) Scoop about 2 tablespoon of the baking soda into your hands, try to get the majority of it onto your fingers. Then work it onto your scalp and massage it all around your head. (It'll feel pretty weird at first.) Only put the baking soda on your scalp, NOT the rest of your hair. Let it sit for a minute or so then rinse it out. (You may need to flip your hair over to rinse the hair on the lower back of your head.)

-In the spray bottle, you'll want a 2 Tablespoons vinegar to 1 cup water ratio. Shake it up! Then, spray it through only on the length of your hair, NOT the scalp. (It will stink, maybe I'm just a wimp/ I have a sensitive nose, but I had to turn my head the opposite way of where I was spraying.) Let it sit for a minute, then rinse away.

*Use a comb to detangle your hair. Start with the ends, then work your way up. Your hair will probably feel like straw for the first few days. Mine felt like it for a couple days, and was really staticy for about 4 days. But don't worry, it will get better!

*Your hair will smell like vinegar while it is wet. When it's dry, you'd never know the vinegar was there.

Repeat the process everyday. Your hair will feel greasier from anywhere between 2 weeks- 2 months (Again, I think I was the exception. I didn't experience this and am not sure why...) Once it's back to normal, you can see how it does with just water. Yep, no baking soda or vinegar; just. water. Cool huh? (I haven't been able to pull that off yet, my hair looks greasy when I've tried. So I'm giving it more time.)

Pros of No Poo:
-My hair is soooo much less greasy! Before, if I went a day without washing it, it looked like it was wet- literally. One day I hadn't washed it yet and my bro asked me if it was wet. Nope, it was just greasy. Gross.
-I can wash my hair every other day and it looks just fine :)
-My hair has never been shiner!
-My flyaways have gone down. Hello smooth hair :)
-It rarely tangles.
-It's so much softer!
-It has as much volume as my thin hair can have :)
-I'll never have to buy any products ever again...

Say goodbye to all this nonsense!

Happy hair washing! :)

June 1st 2013

I was going to save this post for June 1st, the day my bff and I will be seeing her in real life, but I'm too excited to wait! So here's to exactly one month and counting!

 
Although our worlds are completely different, I think Taylor and I are quite similar;

We're just months apart in age. If we went to school together, we would have been in the same grade. 

We're white... but sometimes we like to pretend we could be gangster if we wanted.

Writing is an outlet for both of us; she writes music, I write in my journal and this blog. 

We're both good at getting our hearts broken, whether the guy does it, or we do it to ourselves, it happens. We learn from those experiences, and we get better at the whole 'love' thing.

You might think Taylor is just another singer, and that's okay. But to me, she's more. Because when....

 When you're 17, and you're with the first guy you really like and you make all these plans together. Then out of the blue he decides to ignore you for a week, leaving you in the dark to wonder what is happening between you two, instead of simply ending it.

She's felt that way too, and explains it in Last Kiss.

Your first 'love' of over a year, basically cheats on you, but worse (yes, there is worse) with your very, very best friend.

She gives you You're Not Sorry.

When you break it off with one of the best guys you've dated, and there's no real reason the two of you couldn't make it work. You can't explain it, it's just something in your soul telling you no. So you just cry with them and muster, 'I'm sorry...' And it's the worst feeling in the world.

She knows just what you felt, even though you yourself can't explain it, she can, in Breathe.

 You go out with a guy one time, and the energy between the two of you feels like a dream... and you build it up in your head of what the two of you could be (because as hard as I try to be a mature adult, sometimes I just can't help myself and get carried away... I think that's another thing Taylor and I have in common). Then within a matter of weeks it come crashing to a stop, having so much left unsaid.

 She gives you Red.

When it's been months and you still find your mind wandering to them, and you remember every stupid detail of your relationship; what you said that made them laugh, what they wore on your first date, pointless things in your conversations, like what they did last Christmas, but most of all, how you felt with them.

She explains it perfectly. And I mean perfectly in All Too Well.

Taylor is more than just a singer; more than just a song writer. She's more than just a performer or a celebrity. She's real. When I listen to her, even when I'm so upset, I feel better, because a girl out there knows e.x.a.c.t.l.y how I feel. And for some reason, that lifts my spirits, and gives me hope. If she's experienced these though things (which seemed like the end of the world at the time) and came out better than ever, I can too.

Thanks Taylor. See you soon :)

Cauliflower Sticks

This my friends, is probably the most surprising thing I've ever made. When I saw the recipe I thought it was such a weird concept, that it had to be good. So I gave it a go! Everyone loved them so much, I made them two times in one week, and doubled the recipe on the second go around. Not a single stick was left. Our bellies were very happy :)

What you'll need:
- 1 head of cauliflower
- 1 egg
- 2 cups shredded Mozzarella cheese
- 1 teaspoon dried oregano
- 1 teaspoon dried basil
- 1/4 (or less) salt
- 1/2 teaspoon Italian Seasoning

What to do:
*Preheat oven to 400 degrees
1. 'Rice' the cauliflower. What does this mean? Simply wash it, chop it, then pulse it in your food processor until it looks like rice. (Mine was a bit mushier and still worked just fine).
2. In a saucepan, heat about an inch of water. Once it's boiling, add the ricey cauliflower. Cover it for about 4-5 minutes. Watch it, you may need to lessen the heat or it will boil over.
3. In a mesh strainer, drain the cauliflower. After allowing it to cool for a couple minutes, put the cauliflower in a clean dish towel (yep, you read that correctly) and squeeze the excess water out of it. (I used two towels due to the amount of water still in the cauliflower.)
4. Put the cauliflower in a larger bowl. Add 1 cup of mozz cheese, the egg, oregano, basil, and salt (I used just a pinch). Then mix it all together well with a spatula.
5. Line a baking sheet with parchment paper and spray it with a little cooking spray. Put the mixture on the sheet, and form in into a 8 1/2 x 11 inch rectangle. (You don't want it too thick or it won't cook as well.)
6. Bake for 35-40 minutes, or until golden brown.
7. Remove from oven and let it cool for 10 ish minutes. Sprinkle the remaining cup of cheese, the Italian Seasoning on it. Cook for 7-10 more minutes.
8. Remove from oven and cut it into sticks. They're better served warm :)
*They're delicious plain, or you can dip them in marinara sauce, ranch, or whatever you fancy.

 Enjoy!

Owen's Birthday

I say it all the time and I'll say it again, life goes by so fast! This little boy is 3?? I still remember the day he was born p.e.r.f.e.c.t.l.y. It's crazy that that was three years ago. Goodness.

I've shared this picture before, but it's a fave, so here it is again :)

This was when we first met :)

Since that day we said hello, I've learned so much from him, it's unreal. He's the sweetest little guy. . .

A few weeks ago, I came home from work early due to a wack in the face and as a result, a black eye (that's a story for another day). My mom was watching Owen that afternoon. When I got home, I laid on the couch and Owen came up to me and said, "You okay Karinney?" My mom explained to him that I got hurt and needed to rest. He immediately picked up a blanket and put it on me and asked, "You want some music Karinney? You wanna watch a show?" It was the sweetest thing ever. He knew that blankets, music, and shows make him feel better when he's upset, so he wanted me to have those comforts too. Every time I saw him after that he'd ask with his concerned face, "Is your owie better? Does it still hurt?". Sweet boy :)

His imagination is so big. I totally forgot what it's like to play pretend, until he started to. One day we were walking up the stairs and he said, "I could fly up there, but I don't have wings." Another time, we went and saw The Croods (surprisingly great movie by the way). The next day we were playing and we 'got into the cave' (just like the Croods did) and he said, "Don't leave the cave!" He was so sincere about his concern of me leaving the cave, I almost forgot we were pretending.

I'm so grateful for this little guy, and all that he teaches me. A couple weeks ago went to the park. We were running in the grassy field for a really long time. It was the greatest thing ever. I love that things are so simple with him; all he wants to do is run in the park. We didn't need to talk or do anything at all, but run and laugh in a field together. And that was enough.

Last night was his birthday party. He wanted a Michael Jordan theme, so his mom went to great lengths to make sure everything was inline with that. When Owen walked into the decorated house, his reaction was priceless. He loved it! My sister thought of everything, to make his party perfect...

She made the invitations (adorable by the way) and blew one up and framed it for him. He's Michael Jordan :)

She made cupcakes and shaped them into the Air Jordan silhouette.

 And found this NBA table cloth, so cool.

Opening presents:

He got a Croods coloring book,

a Michael Jordan hat and socks (which I'm pretty sure he loved more than any toy), and a whole lot more.

Blowing out the candle :)

Sure love that kid :)

Happy birthday Owen!!

Timshel

I've recently become quite obsessed with Mumford and Sons. This came as a surprise to me, because I used find their music super annoying. 'Who likes banjos?' was my thought process. Oh how I was wrong! I didn't take time to actually listen to their music. I just switched the station as soon as I heard the banjo. Lesson learned: don't rule out anything until you try it... especially banjos.

After I got both of their albums, I had a hard time getting to know each one because I listened to each song at least 17 times in a row. I couldn't help it. They all have so many layers. I felt like I couldn't fully submerge myself into the song, or understand it in just a few listenings. So now, months later, I feel like I have a grasp on them. Out of all the lines, these, from 'Timshel', find their way to the front of my mind more often than any of the rest;

And death is at your doorstep
And it will steal your innocence
But it will not steal your substance
 
 I've seen so many things take people's innocence. I've seen untimely death cause children to have to grow up sooner than expected; sooner than what is fair. They shouldn't have to deal with the loss of a father, the loss of a brother, but they do... I've seen divorce cause children to step into roles they wouldn't have had otherwise; roles they don't want to have, circumstances they'd rather not be in, but they do it and accept it, because they have no choice. I've seen people lose things they can't get back, because of the actions of someone else. And they become scarred by those things they can't change; things they couldn't control.

One moment can steal your simplicity. One moment can take your security. One moment can change all that you thought to be true. One moment can alter your circumstances forever. Although your innocence in one form or another may have been lost, you're still more than that; it will not steal your substance. You are not what has happened to you. Things change you, but they don't define you. You can rise above the hurt that has been caused, the change that has taken place, and become stronger than you ever thought you could be. It can be a long road to get there, but you can get there.

The song continues;

Although loved ones can't reverse changes, they can help us cope, they can help us 'get there'; they can hold your hand. Sometimes all we need is one person to stand by us. Just knowing that they are there is enough to help us cope, to help us heal.

We don't know what people are experiencing in their lives. We don't know what's on their plate. We don't know how heavy their hearts are. Lately I've learned of a few acquaintance's painful circumstances and was shocked. I had no idea what they were dealing with. It's made me want to be so much nicer to everyone; people I know, and people I don't. We'll lose nothing by being kind. What's to stop us from reaching out?

 Let's all lend a hand <3