Hello lovelies.
It's been a while.
How have you been?
I'm finally back to walking and slowly easing back into normal life.
& it's glorious.
Being down for the count for the past six weeks gave me a lot of time to think about things...
Not just about things like the fact that I say "like" so much that I get on my own nerves,
or that I want to chop my hair off so badly that at times I debate doing it myself,
or how odd it was that I unintentionally watched four movies in a row co-starring Sigourney Weaver,
but things of more importance.
Have you ever heard someone say, "I was meant to do this."?
I remember watching an interview of Beyonce, years ago, where she said she was born to be an entertainer.
For some reason that has always stuck with me.
I think it's because I've never felt so confident in saying something like that.
I never felt exceptionally good at anything.
I've always been pretty average at most things I do, and that has set just fine with me.
I'm not one for competition,
you can be the best, it's fine.
I think that's why I've struggled career wise.
I haven't felt drawn to any one thing.
I don't want to pick something I have to work as for years,
mostly because I haven't felt like a career is for me.
I haven't felt like picking a way to earn money would give my life meaning.
I've known being successful in that regard would not make my soul full.
I know what I am 'meant' for;
I am meant to grow,
to progress,
to love,
to give,
to learn,
& to become.
I think the best way for me to do this, is to be a mother.
It's something I have always known deep down that I wanted to be, but on the surface, that idea would come and go.
Until recently.
I think it's because I've never been with someone I could see myself building a life with,
until I met the sweetest man.
Being with him has placed a new, different kind of confidence in me.
I think because he works so hard, and wants so much to give me what will make me full.
I have never felt complete safety or trust in someone like I do with him,
and I didn't want to raise children unless I felt that with a teammate.
Now, I feel like I could do it, because that kind of connection is real.
One day, I want to hold a piece of heaven, in an exhausted state, in a hospital bed, with our protector holding us both.
I want to smell that 'new to earth life' scent and hear those 'hold me' whimpers.
I want to hold that soul so close to mine & pray with tears of a heart so thankful.
I want to watch those eyelids dream and see life through their eyes.
I believe that's what I am meant for.
I believe it's what we are all meant for;
to grow, to progress, to love, to give, to learn, & to become.
And maybe, when we've somewhat mastered that, or understand it enough,
we are meant to help others do the same, in whatever capacities we are given.
Do what gives you joy.
Do what makes you full.
We're all meant to find that in whatever ways we can.
Happy April to you and yours <3
