The Soundtrack of My Life

Once upon a time, three years ago, my ipod broke. Sadly, I didn't have the majority of the music on it saved to the computer. So I've been without those tunes for a long time, and this week it hit me; I really missed my music. So with a bit of luck, my ipod worked long enough for me, with the help from a guy on youtube, to get that music onto my itunes and onto my new ipod.

I forgot about all the songs I had on that baby. I've been listening to them this week and they are taking me back. It's crazy how one song, one tune, can take me to a place in time, and I remember everything; Where I was, who I was with, and most memorable, how I felt.

So i put together a playlist of my life. These aren't necessarily my favorite songs, but songs with a favorite memory. They take me back to a place of love, joy, or realization.

1. Anastasia Soundtrack- "At the Beginning". Back in 1998, Hollie and I would play at our best friend Taylor's house all the time. We'd always play with barbies. Whenever our barbies would go to a dance (which was often) we'd play this song while they danced with their loves. This song takes me back to that time of innocence and ease. Our biggest worry was what dress our doll was going to wear to the dance.

2. Aaron Carter- "That's How I Beat Shaq". The year was 2000. I was 10 years old in fifth grade. I thought he was the cutest boy I'd ever seen. Hollie and I were obsessed with him. We had his posters hung up in our room. We listened to this entire cd over and over and over again, day in and day out. We had every lyric to every song memorized. He came in concert to Thanksgiving Point, so my dad bought us tickets and took us. It was my very first concert. This song takes me back to that outdoor concert, chillin with my dad and sister, and listening to the cutest guy in my world singing about basketball. Those were the days ;)

3. Celine Dion- "Because You Loved Me". This is my parent's song. I remember one day, I was probably around 11 years old, my mom was listening to it. She was sitting by herself in our living room in one of our blue chairs next to the cd player. The sun was shining through the window. She had the album cover in her hands. I assume she was reading the lyrics to their song. I had never see her do this with any other song before. She looked deep in thought. Maybe she was thinking about how far they'd come, 5 kids later. Maybe she was thinking about how much she loved my dad. Maybe they had an argument and she was thinking about the simpler times with just the two of them. A couple days later I took the album cover and read the lyrics too, "You're the one who held me up, never let me fall. You're the one who saw me through it all." My dad hasn't let my mom fall. He's always concerned for her, she may even get annoyed by it at times ;) Maybe that's what was going through her mind. I remember thinking that day about in the future, when I grew up, marrying a man who loves me as much as my dad loves my mom.

4. Kenny Chesney- "She Thinks My Tractor's Sexy". My Sister Ashlee has always been a country fan. I remember being 13 years old and her blasting her country tunes as she'd get ready. This was one that she'd sing and dance around to. At that age, my shy self wouldn't think about singing at the top of my lungs and dancing around the basement just for fun. But I always admired that my sister could. As far as I could tell, she never thought much about what people thought of her, and I loved her for being that example to me.

5. Survivor- "Eye of the Tiger". My family has taken many road trips together. On one trip, I don't even remember where we were going or what year it was. Maybe I was 12 or 13. My dad had the radio on and this song was being played. I told him I liked it and he seemed surprised. As we drove, the radio became fuzzier and fuzzier until we couldn't hear the song at all. He turned it off and said, "Sorry Rinner." A little while after our trip my dad came home from work with the Rocky soundtrack, with this song on it, for me. It may not seem like much, but it meant so much to me. Not only that he remembered that I liked that song, but that he went out and bought the cd for me. Being the middle child, having a reserved personality, and louder siblings was kind of a recipe to feel forgotten by my parents at times. But they'd do little things like this, which made me feel important.

6. Brooke White- "Yellow". Ever watch American Idol? Ever watch every single episode from  seasons 1-10? I have. Hollie and I would never miss an episode. We were obsessed with our favorite contestants making it to the finale and would vote dozens of times to try and ensure their survival. One of our favorite seasons was 7. Brooke White, one of our favs, finished 5th. My dad took us to see the American Idol tour in Vegas that summer. It was so fun. She played this song during the show. We loved it.

7. Brand New- "Seventy Times Seven". Dallan introduced me to this band, particularly this song of theirs. I was probably a sophomore in high school. Dal and I became closer then. He was a senior, so we spent more time together, driving to school and such. It was a fun time. I remember when he showed me this song. It was definitely more, what I like to call 'hard core' than what I would listen to. At first I was thinking 'Why are you even showing this to me. . .', but it was the story behind it that caught my interest. Dal explained to me how this song came about. Here's the condensed version: Jesse, the lead singer, was best friends with John. Jesse's girlfriend cheated on him with John. So Jesse wrote this song in response to it. It's so personal. The lyrics are severe, but that shows how much Jesse was hurting. Because of the title, I think he wanted the song to be about forgiveness, but he couldn't bring himself to do so yet. So he wrote about his feelings towards his best friend at the time and didn't hold back. I love that it's so raw and shows his struggle. Dal showing me this story really opened my eyes to the fact that just because a song is harder, doesn't mean it's angry music. Obviously Jesse was angry, this song is brutal, but only because he cared for two people so much, and he wanted to get back to that place. Since then, my taste in music expanded greatly. I don't automatically turn something off because it doesn't sound like happiness. The purpose of music is to express feelings; joyful, heartbroken, and everything in between. Years after I heard this song, I experienced something similar to Jesse. I felt the same struggle he felt; wanting to forgive, but being too bitter to do so. Jesse reminded me that it's okay to not forgive right away. Forgiveness can take some serious time, but as long as you have the smallest desire to do so, you're on your way.

8. Boys Like Girls- "Holiday". My senior year I had a huge crush on this boy. We went to homecoming together. We got to the dance pretty late and were there for maybe one or two slow songs. So after the dance, we drove to Wal Mart, parked the car, and he turned on this song. Then he said we didn't get to slow dance very much back at the school and would I want to dance with him? Gah :) So we danced, all dressed up, in that Wal Mart parking lot. To my 17 year old self, that night was so perfect.

9. Ashlee Simpson- "Boyfriend". So I may or may not have a few guilty pleasures, and Ashlee Simpson's music may or may not be at the very top of that list. The summer after I graduated, my best friend at the time and I would drive around with no where to go. This song was one of my favs and he let me listen to it on our long drives over and over again. I remember him saying, "Again? Seriously??" and laughing. It was such a fun time in my life. Feeling the freedom of graduation, and seeing the possibilites of the future ahead. We could be anything. We felt free.

10. Mandy Moore- "Everblue". We all know Mandy Moore as the gorgeous pop singer, right? In my teens I liked her music. What teenager doesn't like a catchy pop song? I also loved her in A Walk to Remember, I have that movie memorized... But it wasn't until 2009 that I liked her as a human being. I was at the store, and saw her new cd that I didn't know existed. I have no idea why, but I felt compelled to buy it, so I did.

I had heard nothing about this album, but I was hoping it'd be good. I opened it in my car and put it in for the drive home, excited for some new tunes. It. Was. Weird. I was kinda mad I had bought it. But I listened to it all that night anyway, a bit disappointed. Later I did some research on it, wondering why it was titled 'Amanda Leigh'. Turns out, that's her real name. With further reading on wikipedia, I found out why this album was so, as I thought, "weird". She said her first albums were just awful and she would give a refund to everyone who bought her first two albums if she could. With Amanda Leigh, she said she had complete control and freedom over her work. And that the music is a reflection of her, not somebody else's choice. After I found this out, I loved the cd. Loved it. I was 19 at the time, and as I've shared before, I was struggling to figure out who I was. But having proof in my hands that a girl broke away from what she was being told to do, and did her own thing, gave me hope. I love that she titled her album Amanda Leigh. She was finally able to find herself, and do what she wanted to do, admitting that her past work wasn't a reflection of her at all. This album made the least amount of money out of her 6 albums. But I think she knew that going into it, and she didn't care. She inspired me.

11. Taylor Swift- "Last Kiss". Back in 2010, before I realized there was more to life than a boy loving me, I had just bought her Speak Now album and was listening to it in my room. The lyrics hit me. I felt like she got in my head and heart and wrote this song about how I felt, "So I'll go, sit on the floor wearing your clothes, all that I know is I don't know how to be something you miss. . ." It was a comfort, knowing that she'd felt the same way. I wasn't alone. Somewhere out there, a girl knew how sad I was, because she'd been that sad too. That was the moment my admiration for Taylor began.

12. The Script- "Science and Faith". I started dating a guy at the beginning of last year. On our third date he let me be the DJ while we were in the car. I had never heard this song before and decided to put it on. I fell in love with it, "You can break everything down to chemicals, but you can't explain a love like ours". I remember sitting next to him on that date feeling so safe and comfortable. I won't forget that anxious, excited feeling of wondering if maybe one day we'd have a love like this song described, or better yet, couldn't ;) I'll never forget that feeling of anticipation, of being next to someone who could make me laugh so hard, and wondering what the future held for us. Sometimes good things have to end, but I'll always have this memory, and this song to take me back there.

13. Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova- "Falling Slowly". Last May, my bff Kim invited me on a trip to NYC with her. Her uncle got us tickets to the broadway show 'Once'. We had never heard of it and didn't know what to expect. It. Was. Perfect. We loved it, every second. This song was performed in it. It was the greatest. That night we turned on that song as we got ready for bed. Whenever I hear it now, I think of that amazing week I had with my best friend, chilling in New York City. Best. Week. Ever.

14. Carly Rae Jepson- "Call Me Maybe". Lately my nephew Owen's favorite thing is to listen to this song and dance. He'll say, "I want Call Me Maybe", so I'll turn it on and he'll say, "Dance wiff me!" Then we dance around to this song over and over. He'll mouth the words, which is the cutest thing I've ever seen. I think as long as I live, as old as we get, even when he gets too cool to dance with me, I'll never forget the cute little blond boy asking me to join him on the dance floor.

There is something I learned while writing this; Had I told Ashlee to turn off her loud country music, I would have missed her, unknowingly, teaching me to be who I am, no matter how goofy. Had I refused Dallan when he wanted to show me a song I didn't like the sound of, I would have missed an incredible lesson. Had I took back Mandy Moore's cd because I didn't like it at first, I would have never had the hope she gave me.

People introduce us to, and teach us things we wouldn't find ourselves, but we have to be willing to listen.

There's my soundtrack.

What's yours?

What I have > what I don't

I was driving home a couple weeks ago a bit disappointed. Okay, really disappointed. I had been hoping that something was going to happen that day and it didn't. Not even close. In fact, the opposite of what I wanted happened. So there I was, having a pity party in my car, driving slowly, listening to Taylor, too sad to sing along with her, and it hit me: I am being so pathetic right now. I have so much. How selfish of me to not acknowledge what I have, and dwell on literally the one thing I don't have, that at times I wish I did... I have an incredible family; 4 selfless grandparents, 2 loving parents, siblings, a stellar nephew, aunts, uncles, and cousins. My best friend is amazing. I have a stable job that I really don't mind. I have a nice home where I always feel safe, not to mention warm and cozy. I have more food in my pantry and fridge than I know what to do with. I have a closet packed full of cute clothes and shoes. I have a never ending supply of clean water, all I have to do is turn the faucet. I have the internet that can inform me about anything I want to know. I have a body that functions just how I want it to. Not to mention I live in a place where I can be who I want to be, isn't this one thing alone enough to bring me joy?

I had compared my life to people I felt have more than I did, and that made me jealous, which is the worst feeling in the world. When I'm jealous, I get mad at myself for being jealous because I should just be happy for other people. Then I end up jealous and mad at myself. Ugh.

Then I compared my life to people I felt have less than me. And I felt so incredibly selfish and almost sick with myself that I could even complain about not having something that is so miniscule in the scheme of things. Then I felt bad for feeling bad for myself. But I realized, sometimes it's okay to feel bad for a moment. Just because my hurt is much, much, much less than someone else's, doesn't mean it's not pain.

I got caught up on dwelling on this one thing that wanted that I have little control over getting. So why was I fretting so much about it? Because I looked at other people who have it and they seem so happy with it, and I wanted that happiness too. But here's the thing: Right now I am happy without that thing. It was comparing myself to others that convinced me I needed that thing to be happy. Yes, it's something I would like eventually, but I want it when the time is right for me. Life has a way of giving us things when it's best for us, not when we want it. If you're waiting for something to make you 'happy', stop. It will happen when it happens. Don't sit around and wait to be happy. Do what you love. That thing will occur when it will. And when it does, you'll look back and say to yourself, 'Oooooh, that's why it didn't happen then.'

Letting go.

The past couple months have been very. . . interesting? Challenging? Thought provoking? All of the above? Yes. Basically, I've learned and grown a lot. An event this week triggered a lot in my brain and heart. I've kept a lot bottled up in those two things, so I'm setting them free today and sharing a lot of personal struggles, and how I overcame them. Here it goes. . .

My brother Bryson is a sophomore this year and made the basketball team! I'm so proud of him for trying out for it and working so hard. The time and schedule is demanding and he has stuck with it. I admire him. I went to his first game, which was a home game. It was a strange feeling walking into the high school I spent 3 years attending. Soooo many memories are connected to that place. I turned to my dad and said, "This is so weird being here."

Walking through those halls and sitting in that gym made me think about who I was in high school. One thing is for sure: I'm much, much different now.

I remember I'd plan my outfit the night before. Depending on who I'd see that day, determined how much effort I put into my outfit, hair, and make up. I didn't eat breakfast because my stomach was flatter if I didn't eat. Then I'd have something small for lunch, and pig out when I got home. I always made sure to have gum with me, because, what if the cute boy who sits in front of me asks me for some? (I'm serious, this is how my brain worked, sadly.) I spend more time thinking about what was on my body than what was in my head. This, my friends, was a tiring way to live.

I didn't speak up. There were so many instances I can recall even now, wishing I would have said something. I was too afraid of hurting someone's feelings, even when they wanted the honest truth. There were many people I'd talk to in class, but outside of class I wouldn't, because I felt inferior to them. Why would they want to be my friend outside of class? They're so pretty, funny, and smart. They just want someone in class to talk to, and it just so happens that I sit next to them. I spent more time contemplating what other people thought of me, than what I thought of my own self.

The majority of the time, I was afraid to stand up for myself. I was afraid to tell people no; the kid who would always cheat off my paper, my friend who cheated on her boyfriend, the guy who kissed me when I didn't want to be kissed. I was okay not being okay with myself, as long as people liked me. But it wasn't me they liked. It was who I was pretending to be.

I wished I would have tried out for dance company. I took dance classes in middle school and my sophomore year and really loved it. But I found excuses as to why I shouldn't try out; the time and practice would be too demanding, I've had no professional dance training, and I was going to be a junior, and they're looking for younger girls to keep on the company for all 3 years. I didn't think I would make it, so I didn't even try.

Life after high school has been such a ride. About 6 months after graduation I got into a terrible relationship. . . And stayed in it for over a year. I allowed my insecurity to put me and keep me in a place I couldn't grow or even fully live. I clung to him like a leech. I remember on my 19th birthday my sister called and asked if I wanted to go to Letherby's to celebrate. I told her no, because I was with him, but there was no reason as to why we all couldn't have gone. . . She was so sweet to try and make my birthday special, and I took no thought of her, I just said no. Of course I couldn't see it then, but I see it now so clearly. And when that relationship ended, I didn't miss him. I missed having someone. That's not love. That's the opposite. I used him to feel good about myself. When we broke up I didn't know what to do because my life had been him. There was no 'me' it was always 'us'.

So my journey to find myself began. I remember the night we broke up plain as day, even almost 3 years later. I think I remember it so well because I had been so betrayed by him that even my insecure heart knew I deserved better. At that moment it hit me: I was going to be alone. No more using him to feel validated. No more date nights. No more relying on his 'love' to feel good about myself. It was just me now. I had to take the broken pieces of myself, find lost ones, and put myself together. I had to become who I wanted to be. I had to try, like I had never done before.

I had been living with a roommate at the time, but was moving back home. I was planning on moving back home, what turned out to be, the day after we broke up. Timing is a curious thing. The moment when I needed my family the most, I was able to move back home and be surrounded by them. I needed a fresh start. And leaving the place where I had so many memories of him, was exactly what I needed. After I had moved my stuff into my parent's house and put everything in my room in its place, I sat on my bed and looked around, then starred at myself in my mirror. Everything had a place. I knew where everything in that room needed to be, except for myself. The next morning I started putting myself together, not knowing where to start, I decided to paint that mirror's frame. I had never really painted home decor before, so I thought I could discover something or build my confidence that way. The colors I picked were yellow, green, and purple:

I can see how some people might think this color combo isn't the cutest, but I've found that when I see things I like, I find myself often saying, "That's so ugly, but it's so cute!" So I like ugly things, I've accepted that :)

A while later, I wrote out quotes in different colors and put them all over my bedroom walls. I have them as reminders to help me to remember who I want to be. One night I put this one on my mirror:

Turns out, the colors I had chosen for it, matched my mirror perfectly. Little things like this might seem silly, but to me at that time, it seemed like a reminder from life that I was on my way.

I've learned it's the small things I do that empower me to be who I want. I don't need to become a famous singer, or complete an iron man to feel successful. I find success and accomplishment in the simplest things now; I run and lap swim for me. I exercise to feel good in my skin and to challenge my mind, not just to look good so people will think well of me. I bake for me (although by family does reap the benefits of that). I do it because I enjoy it. It's a challenge to take a recipe and see if I can perfect it. I read for me, to learn and strengthen my mind. I dress for me, to feel pretty, not for attention. I write for me, but hopefully you out there may benefit in some small way from lessons I've learned. I listen to T swift for me, not because it's the popular thing to do, but because her music lifts my spirits. I eat breakfast now, because I don't care how flat my stomach is. I feel good in my skin, and that's what matters. I don't buy gum. If a cute boy asks for some, I'll have to tell him no, and I'm certainly okay with that now.

I've built myself into someone I love, someone I'm proud of, someone I am happy to be. But I still struggle. I tend to struggle most while being in a relationship. I don't know how to not lose myself to it, like I did with my first boyfriend. I'm still trying to figure out how to balance that. For example, in a more recent relationship, we were at the mall. I saw a dress that I loved. He didn't let me try on a dress because he didn't like it (again, the dress was one of my "It's so ugly, but it's so cute" things). After we broke up, I went and bought it. I get complimented often when I wear it. I realized it wasn't him who didn't let me try on the dress. It was me who didn't, because I didn't speak up. You may be thinking, 'it's just a dress girl, relax', but I've learned that if I don't speak up about the little, seemingly trivial things, I definitley don't speak up about the big things. Or if I do, it's too late.

As I finally got to a place within myself where I was truly happy, I found the past would still creep into my mind. I would allow it to bring me down. So I had to face it. I had to do things I had avoided because of the uncomfortable feeling I'd get, or the sad memories they would trigger. Until that point, I had avoided listening to songs that reminded me of former boyfriends or times in my life where I didn't like who I was. I wouldn't drive down certain roads or go to certain places because they used to lead me to those boys and other unpleasant memories. So I went running and I made a playlist with every song that would make me sad for the past. I ran through the playlist, with people's faces in my mind, and regret in my heart. When it was over, I felt so strong. I had faced it and I had conquered it. Now when those songs come on, I don't rush to skip them. I listen to them all the way through, and it makes me happy. I drove down all the roads I used to avoid, and guess what? I survived. I went to various places where my sad feelings of the past would come alive, and I stood there, thought about that memory, absorbed it, and let it go.

I had to make amends. I had to do some apologizing to people I had hurt. I had to forgive those who had wronged me or took advantage of my heart. Then I had to forgive myself; for not speaking up, for not trying, and for allowing insecurity to rule my life for so long.

I can't change who I was, what I did, or more importantly, didn't do. Wishing I would have lived differently gets me no where. Unless, I use that wishing to fuel me to do things now, so I'm not sitting here in 5 years blogging about things I wish I would have done, said, or tried, yet again.

What I would call my biggest mistake, that first boyfriend of mine, in the end, gave me the start of the journey in finding my voice. So is that mistake a regret? Not now, because I let it fuel me to be better. I am not the mistakes I have made. I am what I allow those mistakes to make me. I could let them break me, and control me, or I can use them to fuel me in becoming who I want to be.

I will never get the time back I spent trying to please everyone, instead of myself. I will never be as close to the one real friend I had in high school, the one I actually was myself in front of, no matter how much I miss him. I will never be on dance company. That boy I gave gum to will never ask me out, and I'll never get back all the gum I gave him ;) and I will never get to go to Letherby's on my 19th birthday with my sweet older sister.

I've mourned for the past, that is necessary, but I don't let it dictate who I am anymore. I am free of it. I let it go. I let go of who I might have been. I let go of those I wasted my time on. But, I've realized time is never wasted if I learned something from it. I've let go of who I could have been and focus on who I want to become now, in the next five minutes, next five days, and the next five years.

I've never been happier with who I am than I am right now in this moment. The night I broke up with my first boyfriend I was so afraid of being alone, because I was insecure and didn't love myself. Now, I love being alone. I like going places by myself and being alone with my thoughts. If I don't have that time to myself, I feel like I'm a mess. What a contrast huh? I allowed fear to rule my life for so long. But now I let love rule it, by loving my whole self.

Let the past drive you to live as you've always wanted to. Don't allow it to hold you back.

Let it go.

Try something new.

Find your voice.


Thanks for reading this novel <3

Feels like Christmas :)

Some Christmas favs of mine:

Lights! I love coming home at night and seeing the tree glowing through our window. Ah :) I love Christmas.

My oldschool phone does not take good pictures, but you get the spirit of it, right? ;)

Our business insurance guy gives us a whole box of these beauts every year! I sure count on him to make the holidays just right :)

Don't have this Christmas album? Get it. Buy it now. I keep it on repeat all season long. It's hands down my favorite Christmas music. Christmas isn't the same without it. I love me some Josh :)

 Every year my dad get these d.e.l.i.c.i.o.u.s. donuts.

Ever had them? There is nothing like them. They are cinnamon perfection.

With my my mom's side of the fam, we make our table favors for Christmas Eve dinner. This year we painted little bobble head ceramics. They were a challenge, but were so fun:

My mom's and dad's cute Mrs Claus and Santa.

My little reindeer. I won't lie, I'm pretty proud of how it turned out :)

These are my brothers. They are quite unique don't you think?

And the cute Briggs family's.

Hope the holidays are treating you well :)

How are you going to top that?

I saw an interview with JK Rowling a long time ago. Something she said has stuck with me. She said people would ask her how she was going to top Harry Potter. Her reaction was simply, "I'm not." And she was content with that. That got me thinking. . .

Could she even top Harry Potter if she wanted to? No.
7 books.
8 movies.
A theme park.
Billions of dollars.
No big deal, right?

In that same interview she spoke of Michael Jackson and how he chased the fame he received from Thriller. He didn't understand or enjoy the immense success that Thriller was and still is. He wanted to top it. So he chased the dream of topping his number one selling album of all time, until the end.

Who knows what he could have created or accomplished if he wasn't set on beating Thriller. Who knows what Rowling won't miss out on because she doesn't have the mindset of topping her own creation, one of the biggest franchises of all time.

Here's what I'm getting at: Don't try to recreate the best moments or successes of your life.
For some people, it's high school days. Being the star athlete or star of their club.
Maybe it's a relationship or marriage that you are now without.
Or the first year of your marriage when life was simpler.
Perhaps it was a great job you lost or had to move on from.
Maybe it's a friendship you no longer have.
Or a place you lived and loved that you had to leave.

If we spend time trying to force the past to be the present, we lose all of the life we could be living now, and quite possibly, the next 'untoppable' thing.

If we enjoy things while have them, we'll have the reassurance that we squeezed every ounce of joy out of them that we could have. Then we won't be consumed with the memory of them when they're gone.

Don't keep searching for those days or those moments. You'll miss all the ones now and yet to come.

Thanks for reading :)

A Little Thing Called Love.

"In this world, there is so much of what looks like love, and sounds like love, and calls itself love, but it isn't."

These words have been floating around in my head this week. When I find a quote I like, I tend to explore it in my mind for a while. It helps me to kind of review my experiences, and think of how to improve my future now. This one got me thinking about all the instances I've heard the words, "I love you", whether they were directed at me or someone else.

I had a boyfriend who didn't like me hanging out with my friends (I know, it's crazy to think that I put up with that, but sadly, I did. Thank goodness those young, naive days are behind me.). I thought, "How cute, he just wants me all to himself. He wants to spend all his time with me." That control he wanted, in my 19 year old heart, felt like love.

I had a friend who would get jealous when I spent time with other friends of mine. You could argue that we were such close friends that she wished I was hanging out with her instead. It was insecurity within herself that was disguised as love.

When I lived with my roommate, we had a neighbor. This woman would come over and constantly compliment us throughout our conversations, saying we were so skinny, so pretty, so lucky to be young. As time went on, she continued to be overly complimentary towards us, but she started asking for things; money for her daughter's school fund raiser, money for her "real gold" necklace she wanted to sell to us, money for her rent, money, money, and more money. We could have seen her compliments as love and kindness, and for a short time we did. But as time went on, we realized her manipulation was what sounded like love.

One of my good friends in high school always had to have a girlfriend. If he was thinking about breaking up with one, he wouldn't do it until he had another lined up. He didn't really care who the girl was, just as long as he wasn't alone. He told all his girlfriends that he loved them. His relationships were called love by himself and others, but they weren't love. It was the idea of love that my friend loved.

I had a boyfriend who said he loved me. I believe he did to some degree. But not for the right reasons. At times I felt like he didn't even know me, or he did, but didn't care about my opinion. Ultimately, I feel he liked what I represented. I was all that he wanted in a girlfriend. But it wasn't me that he wanted. He wanted me to play the role that he'd set up in his head for his girlfriend to play. I could have played that role very well, but at what cost? That relationship looked like love from an outside perspective, and even from my inside perspective a lot of the time, but it wasn't.

I guess what I'm getting at is the 'why' behind someone's actions or words. Or their reason for saying 'I love you'.  My first boyfriend wanted to control me. My sweet friend felt insecure and wanted me to only be her friend. My neighbor wanted money and favors. My good friend in high school wanted love, even if he had to force it. And my second boyfriend I mentioned, wanted me because I seemed to fit into his life's puzzle, what seemed to be perfectly. None of these situations were real love. In some of them there were aspects of real love, but as a whole, they weren't. The next time someone says, "I love you" or shows you kindness, as yourself or even them, "Why?".

There are a lot of situations to describe what love isn't, that's not hard to find. But finding what love really is, that's the challenge. I'm fortunate enough to have some. Love is the sound of my nephew saying to me with a huge smile across his face, "You're back!", after I went to the restroom. You would have thought, with the way he said it, that I'd been gone for days. Love is my little brother getting out of bed in the wee hours of the morning to make sure I'm okay, after I accidentally caused a loud noise that woke him up. Love is the feeling I have after long, late night phone conversations full of laughter with my big sister. Love is the sight of my dad holding my mom just after she crossed the finish line of her marathon. Love is spending all day talking with my older brother and feeling like only minutes had passed. Love is never needing to hear the words "I love you" and knowing that they do. <3

Giving Thanks

It's that time of year! Everyone has been posting what they're thankful for on facebook or blogs. If you haven't heard enough of people's gratefulness, continue reading :)  If I wrote about everything I'm grateful for, this post might never end. I could go on about how grateful I am to simply be able to breathe and have blood moving through my veins, or how grateful I am for my nice warm bed in the middle of a snowstorm. So I narrowed it down, and it turns out, people fill the top slots on my thankful list:

1. Jesus Christ. Whether you believe in Him as the Savior of mankind, or just a man who lived years and years ago, he is the ultimate example of how to live. Life doesn't come with an instruction manual, but as I've tried to mirror His life, I've found it's the best thing in place of one.
 

-He didn't judge. Ever. He taught to judge righteously.

-He embraced everyone. Such a hindrance in this world is people trying to change each other, not letting people voice their opinions, and hating (yes, hating) others based solely on their beliefs. What happened to respect? Christ turned away no one. He wanted everyone close to Him, whether He agreed with their actions or not. He taught if you have enemies, love them.

-He forgave. Even moments after men had nailed Him to a cross, He forgave them for it. That is something I have a hard time fathoming. But it shows that that kind of forgiveness is possible. It gives me hope. If He can forgive that, I can forgive my little grievances.

-He was selfless. While reading stories of His life, I am in awe of how He was always focused on other people, never Himself. As I look at my life, it's kind of pathetic how I get frustrated and consumed over the silliest things, when there are people out there struggling just to put food on the table. Christ's focus was outward, not inward.

-I could go on and on about His attributes and character, but overall, He loved. His way is so simple that it kind of seems too easy: Love. That's it.

I'm so grateful for Him. I've been working on this post for a week and I just can't get out what I want to say. I've typed and deleted so many things. . . I can't put into English how my little heart feels. So just love, people. Just love.

2. The Family:
-My Parents. I've got some real good ones!

Being a parent is the hardest job. It's really never easy and it's never really over. Parenting done right is selflessness. I've noticed that no matter what my parents are doing, if I ask them for something, they drop whatever it is and help me. The other day this happened and it hit me, "They've done this my whole life, how exhausting..." Meeting the demands of 5 children is no easy task. Every day I'm in awe of how they were able to raise us, and continue to do so. They are selfless people and will do anything for any of their children. Even though we don't say it a lot, I know they love me, because they show me. I'm grateful for everything they've done for me. Saying "I'm grateful for everything they've done for me" may seem like a cop out, but it's not! I truly am. I will never know what that word 'everything' entails. I guess that's the thing about being a parent, a lot (if not the majority) of your sacrifices go unnoticed. A parent's life is service and sacrifice. I am grateful for my parents' sacrifices and their kind, giving souls.

-The Brothers: My protectors, the cause of my laughter, my friends, my examples.

Dal's face in this pic is a little scary, but it's the most recent one I have of them. I think it captures their essence ;)

Lately I've noticed how much they take care of me. They do things for me and make sure I'm comfortable. They are interested in how I'm doing. And if I'm not doing well, they talk to me about it and help me feel better. The other day at work I was fretting about something completely out of my control. Dal kinda smiled because he knew I was being a bit silly, then he turned to me and said, "Just focus on yourself. The rest will fall into place." So I did. And I was just fine :)

I'm grateful for how hard they make me laugh. The other night Brys and I were driving home from work, jamming out to the radio. He started singing a Katy Perry song as high as he could. I could not stop laughing. Listening to this brother of mine who is a huge basketball player (literally, he's a giant!) sing in a falsetto voice was priceless. He sang the whole song, and I laughed the whole way home. I'm fortunate to have two brothers so concerned about me. I'm thankful for their seriousness and their goofiness. I'm never surprised by their wisdom, or their ability to make me laugh harder than the time before.

-The Briggs: Just the cutest little family I ever did see!

They are constantly serving others. I'm pretty sure Justin signs up for any opportunity to volunteer at Deseret Industries or the Cannery. This seems like a simple action, but it's surprising how many hands don't go up in church when they're asking for volunteers. I imagine his goes up every time. Years ago, I was walking into work and dropped my cute pink purse into the winter slush. It was gross. When I brought it in, Justin took it without saying anything and washed it for me. I still remember him at the sink, rinsing out my little purse. 

Ash defines the word friend. Seriously. One time I was getting ready to go on a date and I was breaking out in hives. It was about 40 minutes til date time. She had come to my house for something and immediately volunteered to go buy me medicine. She did and saved the day :) She is constantly thinking of others. She offers to watch her friend's kids, so they can have a date night, even though she's got a family of her own. And she takes meals and goodies around to her neighbors and friends all the time. I have one sweet sister :)

Many times when I've been upset or having a tough time they'll call me and invite me over. I've gone to their house down at times, and leave feeling up :) I have so many memories of what might seem like little things they've done for me, and they all add up to a whole bunch of kindness I am so thankful for.

This little guy has had a lot to do with my smiles the past two years. Just hearing his little footsteps in my house makes me so happy. I find everything he does just adorable. He has my heart. One day we were walking to the park to play and he pointed and said, "What's that house doin'??" I was laughing so hard. He cracks me up all the time by the most simple things. For the longest time he'd sing, "Don't stop! Belieeeeving!" Adorable :) Recently, Ash informed me that his new favorite song is 'We are never getting back together', by T Swift. So the other night we were hanging out and I put that song on repeat. We seriously listened to it for an hour, over and over again. He sang it at the top of his lungs and we danced around. It was great. I'm sooo thankful for this little guy :)

-Hollie.

 I don't get to see her often. I don't get to speak with her often. I don't get to hear her voice, or see her face, or laugh with her. But I do get to look at old pictures of us and remember when we were best friends. When I was a senior in high school, she was a sophomore. She'd pack me lunches and leave them in my locker. She'd leave me such funny notes next to my apple sauce and crackers. I still have them. They still make me laugh. And at the same time they cause my heart to ache, for want of the past, for want of who once was my best friend.

I am thankful she is my sister. I am thankful I got to share a room with her even though I complained so much about it. I'm thankful for the bracelet she made me for my 19th birthday. I'm thankful for our inside jokes that never leave me. I'm thankful for all the late night conversations at the McDonald's in Wal Mart as we ate our McFlurries. I'm thankful for what was a special bond, as sisters, we shared. I know we'll share it again one day. Things like these take time. 

Holla, where ever you are, where ever you go, know I miss you more than words could ever say. And I love you even more than that. Forever. <3

3. Kim Kim Kim. There is never a dull moment with this girl. EVER!

 She is the sweetest gal you will ever meet. She has such a big heart. She is so kind to everyone, even when she has a reason not to be. She lives life to the fullest - dancing in H&M, taking pictures and documenting life, and trying her hardest to be the best person she can be. I admire her for so many things. She is a real friend. When good things happen to me, she is happy. She doesn't get jealous or envy. I've had a hard time finding that in friends, until I met her. She listens to all of my pointless drama. And at the end of those conversations we say, "One day we'll look back at this conversation and laugh about how ridiculous we were." She seriously makes me laugh so hard. When she sees something she likes she'll say excitedly, "Oh, hello friend." She cracks me up! She's there for me 24/7. I can always count on her. One day I was at work and was having a hard time, to say the least. I was texting her about it and the next thing I knew she was walking through the door to cheer me up. She is my best friend. I am so grateful for her.

Happy Thanksgiving folks :)

Tears

I was on pinterest the other day (shocker there, right? ;)) And I found this lovely quote I just wanted to share with the world:

I've noticed in the past, oh I don't know, 6 months? how easily I can be brought to tears. It seems like everything has the power to make me cry; a song, something I've read, understanding how fortunate of a life I have, a memory, a conversation I had with someone, or a conversation I didn't.

Holding back tears doesn't translate into strength, and letting tears flow isn't a weakness. I used to think by holding it in, I proved how strong I was. I used to be embarrassed to cry. I hated my eyes getting puffy, my nose running, and people looking at me. But when I think about it, I don't know why I was embarrassed about feeling. When it comes down to it, that's all crying means: Your heart is heavy, or your heart is full of joy.

It seems I cry at both.

I'm not embarrassed anymore. I don't feel weird about being affected by the world around me that I'm moved to tears. Such a great part of being alive is being able to feel. So I'm going to let my tears roll down my cheeks, whether they're a result of love or grief, I'll let them roll.

Happy Wednesday to you and yours :)

Pumpkin Doughnuts :)

Pumpkin and doughnuts. Is there a better combination of anything on this earth? It would appear at the moment, no. I found this recipe through pinterest. I wouldn't alter anything with it. They are perfect little pumpkin doughnuts :)

 Check out that pumpkin color!

 They smelled soooo good baking!

Cute little doughnuts :)

Covered in cinnamon sugar. . . Yum :)

Happy fall! Although, today, it most definitely feels like winter.

Keep warm with these delicious doughnuts ;) 

The Sum of its Parts

I sleep so much better if I fall asleep to the sound of the television. I know, it's not a good thing. This week I was determined to fall asleep without it. So I unplugged the tv in my room and fell asleep without its noise. . . Turns out it only took me a couple hours longer to fall asleep without it. No big deal, right? Ha. So by Friday night I was dragging. I decided it wouldn't be so bad to plug it back in just for one night to get a good night's rest. So I did. I remember hearing that whatever you put in your mind right before you fall asleep, stays with you more easily than what you think about throughout the day. Therefore, I wanted to pick a movie to watch that had a good meaning or something to be learned. Something uplifting, wholesome? I don't know the right word to pick. . . Anyway, I decided on the movie Flipped. It's based on a cute little book that I read years ago. One of my favorite scenes of the movie is when Juli, a sixth grader, is talking to her father, Richard, while he is painting. He asks her about Bryce, the boy who lives across the street, who she's had a major crush on for years. Their conversation went like this:

Juli: I guess it's something about his eyes or maybe his smile.
Richard: And what about him?
Juli: What?
Richard: You have to look at the whole landscape.
Juli: What does that mean?
Richard: A painting is more then the sum of it's parts. A cow by itself is just a cow. A meadow by itself is just grass, flowers. And the sun picking through the trees, is just a beam of light. But you put them all together and it can be magic.

Throughout the rest of the film, as Juli sees people, she evaluates if they are greater than the sum of their parts. It's one of my favorite elements of the film.

This part stuck out to me especially, because lately I've been trying to see people for who they really are. Not judging them, but seeing who they are at their core. It's important to truly know those I spend time with, because like they say, "You become who you surround yourself with". I want to be sure I become the person I try to be each day. As I look back at friends and boyfriends that I've had, I have made both good and poor decisions. I can see now, if they were greater than the sum of their parts. And if they weren't, it definitely affected me, my decisions, and even my confidence. Of course, it's easier to see these things in hindsight. But oh how I've learned. Hence, why now I've been trying to see if the sum of a particular person's parts is magic.

One question I had to ask myself is "Am I greater than the sum of my parts?" Of course, I'd like to think so. However, there is always, always room for improvement. I will never be able to learn all that I possibly can in this short lifetime, but I think I have the basics down. It only took me 22 years ;) Because I can't learn everything, I need to utilize the time and resources that I have to become better each day. If I do that, maybe when people look at me and silently ask themselves, "Is she greater than the sum of her parts?" Their answer will be "Yes".

Comparisons.

It doesn't get much truer than this.

Be happy
              with what you have
                                            now.

No matter how much you have, there will always be something else you want; A new pair of shoes, a nicer car, a smaller waist, or the latest gadget. But none of these things will bring you joy. Sure they'll make you happy for a while, but will they keep you that way?

If you find joy in the very fact that you're alive and you're you, then that nicer car won't matter.

Joy comes from inside yourself. You make it. You don't buy it.

Just a little thought for this sunny Monday :)

Red

Bought it yesterday. Been listening to it every single moment I can. This is definitely my favorite of Taylor's albums thus far. Hands down. Her ability to take a period of time in her life, whatever it may be, and capture every part of it in a 4 minute song is such a gift. If I could explain to you in words how much I LOVE this album I would, but I can't. You've just gotta hear it for yourself.

Track list:
1. State of Grace
2. Red
3. Treacherous
4. I Knew You Were Trouble
5. All Too Well
6. 22
7. I Almost Do
8. We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together
9. Stay Stay Stay
10. The Last Time
11. Holy Ground
12. Sad Beautiful Tragic
13. The Lucky One
14. Everything Has Changed
15.Starlight
16. Begin Again

I can eliminate a few for 'favorite worthy songs', but overall, there are too many good ones to pick a favorite. If I had to pick a top three, perhaps it would be State of Grace, All Too Well and I Almost Do.
*Purple are honorable mentions ;)

State of Grace
"So you were never a saint 
And I've loved in shades of wrong."
I can't really put my finger on why I love this song so much. It's unexplainable. Oh the mysteries of life :) Perhaps because it gives me a sense of hope and pure joy. . . I can't explain it. You've just gotta hear it and feel it :)

All Too Well
 "I forget about you long enough to forget why I needed to. . .
 And you call me up again just to break me like a promise
 So casually cruel in the name of being honest." 
&

I Almost Do
"I bet you think I either moved on or hate you
Cuz each time you reach out there's no reply
I bet it never ever occurred to you that I can't say hello to you
And risk another goodbye. . .

Oh we made quite a mess babe
It's probably better off this way
And I confess baby
In my dreams you're touching my face
And asking me if I want to try again with you
And I almost do"
These two are on my top 3 list because I've felt this way as of late. Last week I was just going about my business, my normal routine, then out of no where all these things just reminded me of a guy I dated. And it made me miss everything. Everything. I couldn't remember anything negative that happened between us. As the day went on I could feel the tears forming in my eyes. I tried to stop them from spilling out, but couldn't do a very good job of it. I felt so fragile and didn't know why all of the sudden I felt so sensitive about us. I felt like such a mess. Then on Monday when I first listened to these two lovelies, I knew just what Taylor was saying. And I wanted him to know how I felt, but couldn't tell him for the sake of yet another goodbye. Another goodbye would mean having to hear his voice again. Having to see his smile and relive all the times he smiled because of us. And know that his smiles now aren't because of me, and they could have been. Some days for no apparent reason, are just hard. But Taylor, being her wonderful self, helps me through :)

Thank you Ms Swift :)

My not-so-little brother

Yesterday I was heading out for a jog, and my mom suggested that my brother Bryson go with me, so he laced up his shoes and we headed on out. We'd never gone running together and I wasn't sure if he'd get a little annoyed at my pace. His legs are twice the size of mine, so clearly he'd be faster. I've been having knee trouble for a while which has slowed me down. I have to run for a stretch, then walk, then run, then walk, just to be sure I don't cause more injury to my poor little knee. We started off by walking for a bit, then I said, "Okay, let's run from this corner to that one", pointing up ahead. At first Brys was a little hesitant of going ahead of me, but let's face it, he could probably walk the pace I run. So he pushed ahead and would look back every now and then to check on me. When he made it to the corner he waited and when I got there he said, "Good job! How's your knee?". We continued the same process for 3 1/2 miles; running, then walking, then running again. After each run, without fail, he repeated those words "Good job! How's your knee?".

As his older sister, I feel like I've taken care of him throughout our lives. I remember years and years ago, picking out his clothes on Sunday mornings and helping him get dressed. I remember playing with him while he was in diapers and him laughing at the silly songs I'd sing to him. I remember helping him put on his helmet before we rode our bikes. Yesterday I realized something: Our roles have shifted a bit. He's taking care of me now. It's strange to see him as this adult, but he is. Every time he looked back on our run to check on me and every time he told me good job and asked how my knee was, he was being genuine. He is a sweet boy, that's who he is through and through. There isn't are prideful bone in his body.

It's hard for me to see him as a grown-up. I'll probably always see him as that cute blonde-haired boy who loved to play with the hose all summer long. I'll always want to take care of him, and I will as much as I can, but I'll let him take care of me too.

Love you Brys.

Quote Quote.

Regrets.

I just finished watching the first session of General Conference. One of my favorite messages given was from President Uchtdorf. He spoke of a nurse who worked with patients who were very close to dying, and learned of their regrets in life. One regret was wishing they had spent more time with people they love. President Uchtdorf said some people view being busy as a badge of honor. I had to shake my head at that, because I know it's true. People feel life is suppose to be busy, that we're suppose to be tired, that we're suppose to feel as though we have no time for 'fun', unless it's scheduled on our calendar. This makes me sad. Life is suppose to be fun. Fun should not come second to our responsibilities. It should be apart of our responsibilities. We owe it to ourselves.

Another regret was they wish they had *chosen to be happier. *Key word here: Chosen. Happiness is a choice. We choose our attitude. We choose to write 'bowling' on the calendar only after school, work, homework, and community, church, and family responsibilities. Those things are important, but isn't happiness the ultimate importance? Do what makes you happy.

Let's not get to the end of our lives wishing we would have spent more time laughing with our loved ones instead of working ourselves to exhaustion. Let's exhaust ourselves with laughter :)

Happy Saturday :)

Quote of the Day

It's that simple.

Pumpkin Cinnamon Rolls

I found a recipe for pumpkin cinnamon rolls (holy yum right??). Click here for the original recipe http://www.mybakingaddiction.com/pumpkin-cinnamon-rolls-recipe/. On Sunday I gave them a try. Unfortunately, they didn't turn out as well as I had hoped. The fam all agreed on a few things that I should change when I make them again:

1. Double the sugar in the dough. Instead of 3 tablespoons, do 6. The rolls weren't sweet enough.

2. Add cinnamon to the filling, probably a tablespoon. The filling didn't have enough flavor, it needed a little something more.
3. Double the amount of filling. There wasn't enough stuff in the middle of the rolls.
4. Watch the bake time! Mine were only in for 22 minutes and turned out a bit brown :( no one likes a crunchy cinnamon roll. Next time, I'd check them at 15 minutes, and every couple minutes after that.

Although the rolls themselves didn't turn out too well, the maple cream cheese frosting sure did!

Hopefully my next pumpkin cinnamon roll endeavor will be a complete success :)

Happy Tuesday :)

This life I live.

I am so grateful for my life. The past month or so I've been so in awe of how wonderful life is. Sure, it's incredibly hard at times, I won't deny that, but the good completely outweighs the bad.

Yesterday was so great. I worked in the morning. I work with my family. I love it. I get to see them so often. When our shift was over, Dallan and I headed to Village Baker. We'd never been there before and Ashlee and our co-workers said it was better than Kneaders. . .So I had to see if the rumors were true because I am a firm Kneaders fan. Turns out, the rumors were absolutely true. I got the vegetarian with provolone sandwich on their honey whole wheat. Let me tell you, I am in love. It was the best sandwich I've ever had. We also got a pumpkin bar of sorts to share, and I savored every bite. We went to the West Jordan park to eat, then went for a walk on the Jordan River Parkway. The weather was perfect. It was just warm enough with a cool breeze. An amazing fall day. Days like these are my favorite. Just walking and talking with my brother about life; the complexities, the simplicities, what we've learned thus far in our lives, what improvements we're making, and how happy we are, where we are, with ourselves.

A couple Sundays ago Dallan and the Briggs came over for dinner. We played the game 'Headbands' outside while my dad played with Owen on our swing set and in the yard. It was so fun. We laughed so hard with each other. My mom made homemade raspberry peach pie for us. As we sat in the backyard eating our pie and laughing with each other, I couldn't help but feel so fortunate. Later, Dallan and I were talking about how amazing it is just to be alive; to have air in our lungs, to have bodies that function the way we want them to, to be able to laugh, to never know what hunger truly is, to be able to see the sky.

So often we overlook the simple enjoyments of life, when the simple things are what make life so great. For me it's: Family. Laughter. Writing. Singing. Baking. Dreaming. Hearing Owen speak. Reading. Swimming. A new dress. A good night's sleep. Running. Dancing. Friends. And Love.

I have been so grateful lately, I feel like my heart is going to burst. I guess Thanksgiving came a little early in my mind this year :)

It smells like fall :)

I just finished making (for the first time ever) pumpkin bread with cream cheese frosting. . . Mmmm. I love fall for so many reasons. One being pumpkins :) I love pumpkin pie, pumpkin bread, pumpkin cheese cake, pumpkin shakes, pumpkin cookies, and basically any food that begins with 'pumpkin'.. I have lots of new pumpkin recipes I'll be trying in the next few months, so prepare yourselves ;)

This bread is quite simple:
1 1/2 cups pureed pumpkin
1/2 cup applesauce
4 eggs

Beat all of the above until smooth. In a separate bowl, combine the following:

1 cup all-purpose flour
2/3 cup whole wheat flour
1/2 cup brown sugar
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon ground nutmeg

Then slowly mix the flour mixture into the pumpkin mixture.

Grease 2 8x4x2'' loaf pans and divide the batter evenly between the two.
Bake for 30-35 minutes at 350 degrees.

Frosting:
8 ounces cream cheese
2 cups powdered sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla
a few drops of milk, if needed.

The end :)

Happy fall to you.

Hair, hair, hair.

Today I looked in the mirror and realized how icky I had let the ends of my hair get. Conveniently enough, a Fantastic Sam's just opened up near my neighborhood. So after work I took a little trip to the salon. The cosmetologist who cut my hair was simply amazing. Christina is her name. Because of her, I left with a brain full of new knowledge about how to have good looking hair.

 She began our conversation by asking me what kind of shampoo and conditioner I use. Come to find out, I've been using one that's totally wrong for my hair. I've been using Fructis' for 'dry and damaged hair'. Guess what? the 'damaged' part is for hair that's been dyed. The product puts proteins back in the hair. Since I have never dyed my hair, I've just been putting all these extra proteins in my hair and it's actually caused my hair to break more easily. Whoda thought? Apparently all I need is a moisturizing shampoo and conditioner.

She said when conditioning your hair start from the ends and work your way up. The hair on top of your head doesn't really need conditioning.

She also said tying hair back causes breakage because the elastic pulls on the hair. So when you need your hair pulled back, use a clip. She said Target has cuter ones than Wal Mart :) Goodbye elastic bands!

Also, combing your hair when it's wet will cause less breakage than a brush. Hair picks work the best.

Aaaaand, trimming your hair every 6-8 weeks will help it grow faster.
 
I just had to share this because I've never had such a great experience getting my haircut. I'm sure it sounds silly, but it's true. Christina was feeding me all this information about how to keep my hair healthy. It's amazing how a 30 minute haircut, and a friendly cosmetologist made my day so great. Thanks Christina :)

Words for the Week

3 Discoveries

I've made 3 very simple discoveries the past week:

#1. I love making zucchini bread and I love eating zucchini bread. Last October (Holy, that's a year ago!) I made it for the first time, but hadn't made it since. Last Sunday I had some time and a zucchini and thought 'why not make that bread again?'. After I made it and ate it, I realized I had forgotten how good it is. So I made another 4 loaves this morning :)

Check out the recipe here: http://rinner-rinner.blogspot.com/2011/10/zucchini-bread.html

#2. The Sock Bun. If you're on pinterest I'm sure you saw how cool this was months and months ago. I'm a bit behind on the times and just tried it this week. I am so glad I did! It's genius. What is it about a new hairdo or a new outfit that makes me feel refreshed in a way? Whatever the reason, I'm happy I finally tried out this bad boy!

And #3. I Will Wait by Mumford and Sons. This song has been on repeat this week. I'll admit it. . . I used to find Mumford and Sons super obnoxious. Now I think they're brilliant. Who knows why my brain changed its mind. This song is so lovely. It makes me so happy.

"Now I'll be bold

As well as strong

And use my head along side my heart"

Happy Saturday :)

Getting My Craft On!

My sister Ashlee is the master crafter! It seems like she always has a craft she's working on. She makes them for her home and gifts for friends or family. She's got skills. She's decorated her home with so many things she's made. It's so neat because she has so many one-of-a-kind pieces. She makes things specific with people's personalities and interests. She's great at it. 

 A few weeks ago she was looking at the Wood Connection's blog and saw a super cute owl, called me, and said we should make it. I am not one for crafting. I 1) am indecisive and 2) lose patience. So Ashlee is helping me turn a new leaf. We made these owls and I love how they turned out. Perfect for Fall :)

My lil' owl.

Thanks Ash for teaching me the ways of crafting :)

There will be more crafts in the future months to come :)