A Little Thing Called Love.

"In this world, there is so much of what looks like love, and sounds like love, and calls itself love, but it isn't."

These words have been floating around in my head this week. When I find a quote I like, I tend to explore it in my mind for a while. It helps me to kind of review my experiences, and think of how to improve my future now. This one got me thinking about all the instances I've heard the words, "I love you", whether they were directed at me or someone else.

I had a boyfriend who didn't like me hanging out with my friends (I know, it's crazy to think that I put up with that, but sadly, I did. Thank goodness those young, naive days are behind me.). I thought, "How cute, he just wants me all to himself. He wants to spend all his time with me." That control he wanted, in my 19 year old heart, felt like love.

I had a friend who would get jealous when I spent time with other friends of mine. You could argue that we were such close friends that she wished I was hanging out with her instead. It was insecurity within herself that was disguised as love.

When I lived with my roommate, we had a neighbor. This woman would come over and constantly compliment us throughout our conversations, saying we were so skinny, so pretty, so lucky to be young. As time went on, she continued to be overly complimentary towards us, but she started asking for things; money for her daughter's school fund raiser, money for her "real gold" necklace she wanted to sell to us, money for her rent, money, money, and more money. We could have seen her compliments as love and kindness, and for a short time we did. But as time went on, we realized her manipulation was what sounded like love.

One of my good friends in high school always had to have a girlfriend. If he was thinking about breaking up with one, he wouldn't do it until he had another lined up. He didn't really care who the girl was, just as long as he wasn't alone. He told all his girlfriends that he loved them. His relationships were called love by himself and others, but they weren't love. It was the idea of love that my friend loved.

I had a boyfriend who said he loved me. I believe he did to some degree. But not for the right reasons. At times I felt like he didn't even know me, or he did, but didn't care about my opinion. Ultimately, I feel he liked what I represented. I was all that he wanted in a girlfriend. But it wasn't me that he wanted. He wanted me to play the role that he'd set up in his head for his girlfriend to play. I could have played that role very well, but at what cost? That relationship looked like love from an outside perspective, and even from my inside perspective a lot of the time, but it wasn't.

I guess what I'm getting at is the 'why' behind someone's actions or words. Or their reason for saying 'I love you'.  My first boyfriend wanted to control me. My sweet friend felt insecure and wanted me to only be her friend. My neighbor wanted money and favors. My good friend in high school wanted love, even if he had to force it. And my second boyfriend I mentioned, wanted me because I seemed to fit into his life's puzzle, what seemed to be perfectly. None of these situations were real love. In some of them there were aspects of real love, but as a whole, they weren't. The next time someone says, "I love you" or shows you kindness, as yourself or even them, "Why?".

There are a lot of situations to describe what love isn't, that's not hard to find. But finding what love really is, that's the challenge. I'm fortunate enough to have some. Love is the sound of my nephew saying to me with a huge smile across his face, "You're back!", after I went to the restroom. You would have thought, with the way he said it, that I'd been gone for days. Love is my little brother getting out of bed in the wee hours of the morning to make sure I'm okay, after I accidentally caused a loud noise that woke him up. Love is the feeling I have after long, late night phone conversations full of laughter with my big sister. Love is the sight of my dad holding my mom just after she crossed the finish line of her marathon. Love is spending all day talking with my older brother and feeling like only minutes had passed. Love is never needing to hear the words "I love you" and knowing that they do. <3