The Soundtrack of My Life

Once upon a time, three years ago, my ipod broke. Sadly, I didn't have the majority of the music on it saved to the computer. So I've been without those tunes for a long time, and this week it hit me; I really missed my music. So with a bit of luck, my ipod worked long enough for me, with the help from a guy on youtube, to get that music onto my itunes and onto my new ipod.

I forgot about all the songs I had on that baby. I've been listening to them this week and they are taking me back. It's crazy how one song, one tune, can take me to a place in time, and I remember everything; Where I was, who I was with, and most memorable, how I felt.

So i put together a playlist of my life. These aren't necessarily my favorite songs, but songs with a favorite memory. They take me back to a place of love, joy, or realization.

1. Anastasia Soundtrack- "At the Beginning". Back in 1998, Hollie and I would play at our best friend Taylor's house all the time. We'd always play with barbies. Whenever our barbies would go to a dance (which was often) we'd play this song while they danced with their loves. This song takes me back to that time of innocence and ease. Our biggest worry was what dress our doll was going to wear to the dance.

2. Aaron Carter- "That's How I Beat Shaq". The year was 2000. I was 10 years old in fifth grade. I thought he was the cutest boy I'd ever seen. Hollie and I were obsessed with him. We had his posters hung up in our room. We listened to this entire cd over and over and over again, day in and day out. We had every lyric to every song memorized. He came in concert to Thanksgiving Point, so my dad bought us tickets and took us. It was my very first concert. This song takes me back to that outdoor concert, chillin with my dad and sister, and listening to the cutest guy in my world singing about basketball. Those were the days ;)

3. Celine Dion- "Because You Loved Me". This is my parent's song. I remember one day, I was probably around 11 years old, my mom was listening to it. She was sitting by herself in our living room in one of our blue chairs next to the cd player. The sun was shining through the window. She had the album cover in her hands. I assume she was reading the lyrics to their song. I had never see her do this with any other song before. She looked deep in thought. Maybe she was thinking about how far they'd come, 5 kids later. Maybe she was thinking about how much she loved my dad. Maybe they had an argument and she was thinking about the simpler times with just the two of them. A couple days later I took the album cover and read the lyrics too, "You're the one who held me up, never let me fall. You're the one who saw me through it all." My dad hasn't let my mom fall. He's always concerned for her, she may even get annoyed by it at times ;) Maybe that's what was going through her mind. I remember thinking that day about in the future, when I grew up, marrying a man who loves me as much as my dad loves my mom.

4. Kenny Chesney- "She Thinks My Tractor's Sexy". My Sister Ashlee has always been a country fan. I remember being 13 years old and her blasting her country tunes as she'd get ready. This was one that she'd sing and dance around to. At that age, my shy self wouldn't think about singing at the top of my lungs and dancing around the basement just for fun. But I always admired that my sister could. As far as I could tell, she never thought much about what people thought of her, and I loved her for being that example to me.

5. Survivor- "Eye of the Tiger". My family has taken many road trips together. On one trip, I don't even remember where we were going or what year it was. Maybe I was 12 or 13. My dad had the radio on and this song was being played. I told him I liked it and he seemed surprised. As we drove, the radio became fuzzier and fuzzier until we couldn't hear the song at all. He turned it off and said, "Sorry Rinner." A little while after our trip my dad came home from work with the Rocky soundtrack, with this song on it, for me. It may not seem like much, but it meant so much to me. Not only that he remembered that I liked that song, but that he went out and bought the cd for me. Being the middle child, having a reserved personality, and louder siblings was kind of a recipe to feel forgotten by my parents at times. But they'd do little things like this, which made me feel important.

6. Brooke White- "Yellow". Ever watch American Idol? Ever watch every single episode from  seasons 1-10? I have. Hollie and I would never miss an episode. We were obsessed with our favorite contestants making it to the finale and would vote dozens of times to try and ensure their survival. One of our favorite seasons was 7. Brooke White, one of our favs, finished 5th. My dad took us to see the American Idol tour in Vegas that summer. It was so fun. She played this song during the show. We loved it.

7. Brand New- "Seventy Times Seven". Dallan introduced me to this band, particularly this song of theirs. I was probably a sophomore in high school. Dal and I became closer then. He was a senior, so we spent more time together, driving to school and such. It was a fun time. I remember when he showed me this song. It was definitely more, what I like to call 'hard core' than what I would listen to. At first I was thinking 'Why are you even showing this to me. . .', but it was the story behind it that caught my interest. Dal explained to me how this song came about. Here's the condensed version: Jesse, the lead singer, was best friends with John. Jesse's girlfriend cheated on him with John. So Jesse wrote this song in response to it. It's so personal. The lyrics are severe, but that shows how much Jesse was hurting. Because of the title, I think he wanted the song to be about forgiveness, but he couldn't bring himself to do so yet. So he wrote about his feelings towards his best friend at the time and didn't hold back. I love that it's so raw and shows his struggle. Dal showing me this story really opened my eyes to the fact that just because a song is harder, doesn't mean it's angry music. Obviously Jesse was angry, this song is brutal, but only because he cared for two people so much, and he wanted to get back to that place. Since then, my taste in music expanded greatly. I don't automatically turn something off because it doesn't sound like happiness. The purpose of music is to express feelings; joyful, heartbroken, and everything in between. Years after I heard this song, I experienced something similar to Jesse. I felt the same struggle he felt; wanting to forgive, but being too bitter to do so. Jesse reminded me that it's okay to not forgive right away. Forgiveness can take some serious time, but as long as you have the smallest desire to do so, you're on your way.

8. Boys Like Girls- "Holiday". My senior year I had a huge crush on this boy. We went to homecoming together. We got to the dance pretty late and were there for maybe one or two slow songs. So after the dance, we drove to Wal Mart, parked the car, and he turned on this song. Then he said we didn't get to slow dance very much back at the school and would I want to dance with him? Gah :) So we danced, all dressed up, in that Wal Mart parking lot. To my 17 year old self, that night was so perfect.

9. Ashlee Simpson- "Boyfriend". So I may or may not have a few guilty pleasures, and Ashlee Simpson's music may or may not be at the very top of that list. The summer after I graduated, my best friend at the time and I would drive around with no where to go. This song was one of my favs and he let me listen to it on our long drives over and over again. I remember him saying, "Again? Seriously??" and laughing. It was such a fun time in my life. Feeling the freedom of graduation, and seeing the possibilites of the future ahead. We could be anything. We felt free.

10. Mandy Moore- "Everblue". We all know Mandy Moore as the gorgeous pop singer, right? In my teens I liked her music. What teenager doesn't like a catchy pop song? I also loved her in A Walk to Remember, I have that movie memorized... But it wasn't until 2009 that I liked her as a human being. I was at the store, and saw her new cd that I didn't know existed. I have no idea why, but I felt compelled to buy it, so I did.

I had heard nothing about this album, but I was hoping it'd be good. I opened it in my car and put it in for the drive home, excited for some new tunes. It. Was. Weird. I was kinda mad I had bought it. But I listened to it all that night anyway, a bit disappointed. Later I did some research on it, wondering why it was titled 'Amanda Leigh'. Turns out, that's her real name. With further reading on wikipedia, I found out why this album was so, as I thought, "weird". She said her first albums were just awful and she would give a refund to everyone who bought her first two albums if she could. With Amanda Leigh, she said she had complete control and freedom over her work. And that the music is a reflection of her, not somebody else's choice. After I found this out, I loved the cd. Loved it. I was 19 at the time, and as I've shared before, I was struggling to figure out who I was. But having proof in my hands that a girl broke away from what she was being told to do, and did her own thing, gave me hope. I love that she titled her album Amanda Leigh. She was finally able to find herself, and do what she wanted to do, admitting that her past work wasn't a reflection of her at all. This album made the least amount of money out of her 6 albums. But I think she knew that going into it, and she didn't care. She inspired me.

11. Taylor Swift- "Last Kiss". Back in 2010, before I realized there was more to life than a boy loving me, I had just bought her Speak Now album and was listening to it in my room. The lyrics hit me. I felt like she got in my head and heart and wrote this song about how I felt, "So I'll go, sit on the floor wearing your clothes, all that I know is I don't know how to be something you miss. . ." It was a comfort, knowing that she'd felt the same way. I wasn't alone. Somewhere out there, a girl knew how sad I was, because she'd been that sad too. That was the moment my admiration for Taylor began.

12. The Script- "Science and Faith". I started dating a guy at the beginning of last year. On our third date he let me be the DJ while we were in the car. I had never heard this song before and decided to put it on. I fell in love with it, "You can break everything down to chemicals, but you can't explain a love like ours". I remember sitting next to him on that date feeling so safe and comfortable. I won't forget that anxious, excited feeling of wondering if maybe one day we'd have a love like this song described, or better yet, couldn't ;) I'll never forget that feeling of anticipation, of being next to someone who could make me laugh so hard, and wondering what the future held for us. Sometimes good things have to end, but I'll always have this memory, and this song to take me back there.

13. Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova- "Falling Slowly". Last May, my bff Kim invited me on a trip to NYC with her. Her uncle got us tickets to the broadway show 'Once'. We had never heard of it and didn't know what to expect. It. Was. Perfect. We loved it, every second. This song was performed in it. It was the greatest. That night we turned on that song as we got ready for bed. Whenever I hear it now, I think of that amazing week I had with my best friend, chilling in New York City. Best. Week. Ever.

14. Carly Rae Jepson- "Call Me Maybe". Lately my nephew Owen's favorite thing is to listen to this song and dance. He'll say, "I want Call Me Maybe", so I'll turn it on and he'll say, "Dance wiff me!" Then we dance around to this song over and over. He'll mouth the words, which is the cutest thing I've ever seen. I think as long as I live, as old as we get, even when he gets too cool to dance with me, I'll never forget the cute little blond boy asking me to join him on the dance floor.

There is something I learned while writing this; Had I told Ashlee to turn off her loud country music, I would have missed her, unknowingly, teaching me to be who I am, no matter how goofy. Had I refused Dallan when he wanted to show me a song I didn't like the sound of, I would have missed an incredible lesson. Had I took back Mandy Moore's cd because I didn't like it at first, I would have never had the hope she gave me.

People introduce us to, and teach us things we wouldn't find ourselves, but we have to be willing to listen.

There's my soundtrack.

What's yours?