Lately I've noticed how much labeling myself can give the wrong impression. . .
I could say I'm a vegetarian, but when most people hear that
they think, "Oh great, she's going to tell me how awful I am for eating
this burger. . . better keep away from her." When really, I just don't
like meat. I think it's gross. If you feel good eating that burger, you
go for it. I won't say a word about it, or think anything of it.
I could say I'm LDS, but when most people hear that they think, "Oh great, she's going to try and convert me, better keep away from her. I don't want to hear it." When really, the religion I'm apart of helps me be a better human being. That's why I'm involved in it. It gets me thinking and helps me improve myself. It works for me, but that doesn't mean it works for everyone.
I could say I'm single, but when I do, I get sympathy looks and, "I'm trying to think of someone I can set you up with. . . " When really, I am content with my relationship status. I am happy without being labeled as 'so-and-so's girlfriend'. I date, but I don't want to get involved with someone just for the sake of not being single.
We tend to only hear the loudest people in labeled groups; loud vegetarians make sure everyone knows they don't eat meat, and try to guilt people into joining them. Loud LDS people can be pushy and insensitive. And loud single girls can be bitter and desperate to have a boyfriend.
Here's my point: Get to know the
individual. Learn their story. Learn why they choose to live the way they do. Just because I'm a vegetarian, LDS, and single doesn't mean I agree with
or feel the same as every vegetarian, LDS person, and single lady.
I don't believe in telling people how to live. As human beings, clearly we're not all the same, so wouldn't it make sense that different things bring us happiness and contentment? So why do we try to push our beliefs and way of thinking onto other people? If we truly believe in what we say we do, we don't need to shout about the happiness it brings, people can see it by the way we live.
We all find happiness and contentment in different
ways. What brings me joy may not bring you the same feeling, and that's
just fine. We're all on our own journeys to find what brings us the most joy. Let's not tell people that their way of happiness is wrong.
Happy Sunday <3
Sunday, January 27, 2013
Monday, January 14, 2013
2012 According to Karinne
I did a post like this last year, recapping 2011. I debated doing it again because last year, my January-July months were spent with a guy who is no longer in my life. I didn't know if I wanted to do this post for that fact. I couldn't ignore the first 6 months of this year, or write about them without him in it, it wouldn't feel right. But I didn't want to come across like I'm still dwelling on that relationship or stuck in time, because I'm not. And I certainly don't want to be a whiny, dramatic girl who complains about a break up all over her blog, ya know? But the fact is, when I look back at
my life, his face will be in my mind when I think about January 2012
through July 2012. He was a big part of my year. Although it ended, it was still good. I learned so much from it, and from him. . . . Whenever we were at his cold house, he'd bring out his space heater for me; if I wore sandals, he'd put a pair of his socks on my feet to keep them warm. One time we went to Lagoon and went to Lagoon-a-beach. My hair was still wet when we got back to his house that evening. I was freezing, so he got a blowdryer for me to use to dry my hair and warm me up. I was so tired and didn't want to do it, so he stood there and blowdried my hair for me. When I was sick, he brought me soup, treats, and medicine. I hate medicine. hate it. But he got it all ready for me, I just had to choke it down, then hurry and drink the water he had ready, to get the gross taste out of my mouth. One night I was complaining about what I knew was the silliest thing, but I couldn't help but be upset by it. He knew it too, but he held me and 'agreed' with me, until I felt better. One night we went out to dinner and he was on one. He was cracking jokes left and right. I couldn't even handle it, I was laughing so hard. Know those moments that stick in your mind no matter what? This was one of those moments. I didn't want it to end. I didn't want to leave that restaurant, because what if he never made me laugh like that again? But he did. Many times.
Our relationship ending was. . . Well, I'm sure you know; we've all had them. They're quite unpleasant. I had had tough breakups before, but none like this. Through it, my family and friends were there for me 100%. It's interesting to look back and see how each of them helped me in their own unique way. My mom was my strength when I questioned myself. My dad spent so much time talking things through with me, from the minute we broke up, until he could see I was truly feeling well again. One particularly hard night he gave me a hug. In my family, we hug for three reasons: 1) If we won't be seeing each other over the span of a week. 2) We're really proud of or very happy for someone. 3) Something very sad has happened. This hug was a #3 hug. I remember going to my room and just bawling until I fell asleep. That hug said, 'I love you. Things are tough right now.' I don't like when my dad admits something is hard, because that's when I know I'm not overreacting and that the situation is, in fact, tough. My siblings were amazing. Ashlee invited me everywhere with her. One afternoon we went for a walk and talked about it all. She was so insightful. Her perspective as a married woman helped me so much. Dal also talked things through with me. His advice reassured me everything was okay, and I had to do what was best for me. He calmed me. Brys would ask me everyday if I was doing okay. That let me know he cared. And my dear friend Kim, anything I could type on here would not do her support justice. I adore her.
Through it all, I learned so much about myself and about love. I felt like a new person in a way. I learned that it's important to do what feels right in my soul, regardless of how it may affect people. That may seem selfish, but it's not. Caring for myself is necessary. If I don't care for myself, how can I care for another person? If I'm not being who I want to be and living how I want to live, then I'm not being myself. I'm doing what other people want from me. If I'm living like that, I might as well be dead. I learned I need to use my voice and stand up for myself. I learned I need to not change for people. If I change for someone, that's my fault, not theirs. I learned that this thing we call love is work. Relationships require two hardworking people, with the same goals, in order for it to be successful.
I realized one night, in all my brokenness and tears, I was happy to be alive. Even though so much of my world at that time was trying, I knew I'd get through it. And I did. The thing about being broken, is that when you put yourself back together, you're stronger than ever. But you have to do it on your own. My family and friends were there and absolutely helped me. But I also had to decide that I wanted to get through it, I couldn't rely solely on them, I had to be strong too. Not to say that I wasn't weak, because I was, for a long time. But they carried me until I could hold myself.
My journal through those months is full of his name. I have little other than him over those pages, so I don't have a whole lot other than this to recap in the first half of this year's review. But that's not a bad thing at all. He gave me so much. This whole experience gave me so much. I am so grateful for it; tears, broken heart, and all. I wouldn't change it.
As I was going back through my journals this past year, I realized how hard 2012 was. There was so much sorrow to be had, not even including the break up. But struggles make us stronger. Know how diamonds are made? With intense heat and pressure. About 100 miles into the earth, and about 2,000 degrees is the recipe for one of the hardest (not to mention most gorgeous) natural materials that are nearly impossible to scratch. This year brought a lot of 'heat and pressure', but it's making me the prettiest, strongest diamond ever ;)
I noticed there were a few big things that happened in 2012, but the majority of what I wrote down were simple things. The simplest things, the smallest moments, were what brought me the most joy this year. Maybe I paid attention to the small things more, because the big things were hard to bear. I wrote down a lot of things people said, and I realized how much I learned from other people, just by their words and simple actions. But I had to be present. I had to be consciously aware of what was going on around me. I had to listen. "Sometimes the biggest lessons weren't meant to be taught." -G. Hansen
JANUARY:
I was struggling with a lot of things at the start of the year. My heart was heavy. But without them knowing it, people helped me through. One night, I was writing in my journal about my struggles, and out of no where my friend text me and said how thankful she was for me and how much she loves me. The next day my cousin and I were texting and he said, "You're going to make some boy very happy, you're the whole package." Later that week, my sweet, lovely friend/co-worker left me little notes in my purse, informing me of my awesomeness. Isn't it funny how at the very moments you need to hear something, someone happens to say it?
I started dating the guy I spoke of before, in this month. He came at the time when I really needed him. And he stayed until I could be on my own. I'll love him forever for that. I realized life is tough, but only because it's been so wonderful.
FEBRUARY:
My good friend left on his mission. He's a big Taylor fan. I take that back, he is the BIGGEST Taylor fan. We went to her concert together in 2011. He had a shirt specially made for him to wear that night. The front read, 'Taylor Swift is a friend of mine.' And the back read, 'Kanye West is not.' Does it get any cooler than that?? I don't think so. The day before he left, his last text to me was this: "And you take a moment, promise me this! That you'll stand by me forever, but if God forbid fate should step in. And force us into a goodbye, if you have children someday, when they point to the pictures, please tell them my name! Tell them how the crowds went wild, tell them how I hope they shine! Long live the walls we crashed through I had the time of my life with you! Karinne always remember you are more amazing than you know! Stay Amazing!" Leave it up to him to send the perfect Taylor quote as his last words to me :) Ever feel like someone gives you waaaaay more than you could ever give them? That's how I feel with this guy. I miss him.
MARCH:
We had a family party on the 18th. My mom's side of the family came over. I was downstairs with the kids playing. It hit me how honest kids are. One of them told me all about their bike. One of them explained to me how they walk down the stairs. . Kids are so real. They say exactly what they're thinking. They find joy in the smallest of things, like having the ability to learn how to walk down stairs. Since then, I've been finding joy in the smallest of things, and it's made the biggest difference.
On the last day of March, my grandpa Linnell stopped by our home for a minute. He and Owen were playing. Watching them was priceless. Ever felt so much joy that you don't even smile, you just soak it in? This was one of those moments. Owen was laughing so hard playing with him. I couldn't help but notice how different they are; obviously my grandpa has been on the earth much longer than Owen. And at times it seems like that has taken its toll on him. He's a strong man with gray hair and creased skin. While Owen is new to this place with perfect skin and fluffy blond hair on the top of his tiny body. Nothing has hurt him yet. I found it fascinating that two souls, completely different, could share so much. I believe that's what we call love.
APRIL:
I went to the Festival of Colors for the first time. It. was. awesome.
One afternoon, my dad, Owen, and I were out swinging in the backyard. My dad was pushing Owen, then he snuck around and gave me 2 huge pushes, my butt even came out of the swing! We couldn't help but laugh. He said, "Remember when I'd do that when you were 'just little'?" I think in that moment we both longed for those days. Life was so simple. It made me wish I could have slipped into my 10 year old self for a while. "You never understand the true value of a moment, until it becomes a memory."
Owen turned 2!
MAY:
On Mothers' Day we got together with my mom's side of the fam. My grandma gave all the mothers a cute little book. She came up to me, put one in my hands, and said, "Even though you're not a mom yet, you're still a woman." Then she gave me a hug. Sometimes at family events I feel a bit out of
place. I don't have a significant other, but I'm not a kid, and the majority of my family members fall into one of those categories. But my grandma helped me that day. Sweet Grandma of mine :)
One afternoon my mom and I were watching Owen. We filled up a little pool outside for him. We were talking about my childhood and how we'd get pitcher after pitcher of water, going in and out of the house, to fill up the little pool. As we sat there and watched Owen as he played my mom said longingly, "Why do they have to grow up?" That moment taught me to enjoy each moment. If I'm fortunate enough to have some babies of my own, I'm going to enjoy every sticky, messy, happy, noisy, funny, chaotic minute of it.
Kim invited me on a trip with her to NYC. Suuuuuuuch a great week. Loved it. Love her.
JUNE:
My mom broke her elbow. It was not a happy day. The morning after, I woke up and went upstairs. Bryson was flipping pancakes with the coaching of my mom, because she couldn't do it with her arm. He was having some trouble getting the hang of it. We were all laughing so hard. I realized the best way to start a day is with a good laugh.
Dal came into work. Right when he saw me opened his arms and said, "Quin!" and gave me hug. Remember what I said about my family and hugs? ;) I hadn't seen him since I left for New York. It felt like a really long time since I'd seen his face. I missed him so much and was so happy just to see him and feel his hug.
My journal is full of quotes from people I know and people I don't. Perhaps the #1 person I quote is Owen. One day the tv in my room was on. You know how if the dvd player is left on long enough the little 'DVD' sign will bounce around the screen? Well I turned around to see Owen jumping and hitting the screen, he yelled, "I got it!" I was laughing so hard at that kid.
One thing I love most about mine and Ashlee's relationship is our phone conversations. Some days we talk for over an hour and it feels like five minutes. One day in June we were talking on the phone, and Owen kept trying to tell me stuff, but I couldn't understand what he was saying, so Ash would interpret. One time he yelled something, again, I had no idea what, and Ashlee said so matter-of-factly, "He's telling you he has a rock." We laughed and laughed.
We took a little trip to St. George :)
JULY:
One very rainy day in July, my dad was outside with Owen for some reason I don't know. But they discovered the whole earth's population of snails living in our yard! Seriously, there were so many snails we couldn't even count them. They were everywhere! It was so cool. While were looking at them Owen kept saying, "Karinney, look!" Then he pointed to a small one and said, "Baby, aaaawe." My dad and I couldn't help but laugh at how cute he was.
One night after work, Owen and my dad were sitting in the driveway watching fireworks. As soon as I pulled up Owen started waving like crazy. He walked over to my car and kept saying "Karinney! Karinney!" then gave me a hug. Melted. My. Heart. Love love love that boy.
We took another trip to St. George. We laughed so much on this trip. Loved it :)
AUGUST:
On the 11th my dear aunt Julie got remarried. It was a lovely day. Before the ceremony started, she went up to each of her kids and hugged them individually for a few moments. For me, that was the best part of the wedding, even though it technically wasn't part of it. But it touched my heart. She could have been off getting ready and making sure everything was set. Instead, she acknowledged each of her kids. She let them know how special they are to her, and that they will remain just as important as they've always been.
My grandpa Ash was diagnosed with cancer. Very long and painful story short, he is doing well, all things considered. While he was recovering at home, Dal and I went in to mow his lawn. Dal mowed while I stayed inside and visited with my grandpa. I asked him how he was doing, expecting a "I'm hanging in there" or a lighthearted, "Could be better". I wasn't prepared for his response. He looked down and shook his head, explaining how hard it had been on him. I could see the pain in his face. This is a man I have no memory of seeing weak. My grandpa has always been a strength, always doing things on his own, and always helping others when they need it. He said the doctors told him he's lucky to be alive, although, at times, he would have been okay with the alternative. . . I sat there at the dining room table feeling so. . . there isn't a word for it. I didn't know what to say. I tried so hard in that moment not to cry. How terrible would it be for the man who is truly suffering to have to comfort my little heart? I remember I was able to tell him I was happy he's still here. That's about all I could muster.
SEPTEMBER:
Dal and I started going to Plato's Closet every payday. It's a fun little tradition for us :) One day while we were there, he held up a shirt and said, "Does it look like underwear?" I don't know why, but it was so funny. We busted up laughing. I love seeing his face when something makes him genuinely laugh.
Fall was a time of adjustment. All my siblings work for our family business. Until fall, mine and Ashlee's schedules were pretty similar. We'd see each other Mon-Fri, and carpooled basically every morning. We got really close. This month, things changed. I started working different hours. Most of the time when we do work together, there isn't much time to talk. And it seems like our lives have become so busy. We're still close, but it's hard to adjust to being with someone so often, then what seems hardly at all. Love you Ash.
OCTOBER:
My grandpa and grandma Linnell came over for dinner one night. We all hung out in the backyard. I love nights like that. Being with the people I love, laughing and talking, in the great outdoors :)
Red came out :) I think I love it so much because I relate to her experiences. As I listened to it for the first time, I kept thinking, 'me too Taylor, me too.' Isn't that what we want from music, to hear a song and be able to say to the artist, 'yep, I definitely know exactly what you're talking about'? That connection, for whatever reason, makes me cheerful. My favorite tracks from Red change everyday, but my #1 favorite doesn't: "All Too Well". It's perfect.
"Begin Again" has been a fave lately:
"I've been spending the last 8 months
Thinking all love ever does
Is break and burn and end
But on a Wednesday in a cafe
I watched it begin again"
This song is a story of hope.You never know who you're going to meet or where you're going to meet them. Any old day, someone can walk into your life and give you something you've never had before. Not just a romance, but a real friendship, support, guidance, advice, or love; in any way of the word.
NOVEMBER:
Brys tried out for, and made the Sophomore basketball team at his high school. I'm so proud of him for finding something he's passionate about and working his butt off at it! Although it hasn't been exactly what he expected to be, he still gives it his all in every practice and game. Proud of you Brys :)
In church one Sunday, a girl was speaking, and she said something that really struck me. I can't even remember what she said exactly, but I remember how I felt about it. She said that something "enhanced her light". And that little phrase got me thinking; do I do things that enhance my being or do I do things that detract from who I want to be? Since then I question my actions and thoughts a lot more. I think about the purpose behind what I do. If it doesn't help my being or anyone else's, why do it?
DECEMBER:
One night before I went to bed, I watched Little Women. I forgot how much I love that movie. I used to be so mad that Jo ended up with the old guy and not Laurie, but I understand it now. Anyway, one of my favorite lines from the movie was at the end. Their aunt March had just passed away and she left her estate to Jo. They're going through their aunt's things and Marmee says, "Her blessing became a burden because she would not share them." I could expand on this thought for days, but that's a post for another time :)
My parents and I went to dinner and a Christmas concert one evening. We had a real good time! On the way home my dad said happily, "Well thanks for coming ladies. It was a fun evening." And I'm thinking, 'it was your idea, you paid for dinner and the concert tickets, and you drove us, yet you're the one thanking us for coming.' That's my dad in a nutshell. He doesn't think about what he can get out of things, only what he can give. Love him.
One night my Dad, my grandma, Owen, and I went and looked at the lights at Thanksgiving Point, then went to dinner after. As we were getting out of the car and walking into the restaurant, my dad was supporting his sweet mother so she didn't slip on the ice on the ground. I was carrying little Owen for the same reason. As we were waiting for our food and chatting, my grandma said, "Time sure does go by fast." Something hit me at that moment. My grandma, who is in her 70s, said that time has flown by. I have that same thought almost everyday. I can only imagine being 70 and having that many years to reflect on and feeling like it's only been the blink of an eye. I realized what's important: She raised my dad, helping him along in his life. Although my grandma still helps him, he helps her now too. Because she took care of him, he learned how to not only care for her back, but how to care for others; including me. Because he's taken care of me, I'll know how to take care of him and a family of my own one day. That's the thing; love is a chain reaction. We're all here. We're all on this earth together. We're all connected. We're never done helping each other. Whether we keep each other from slipping on ice, or offering helpful words through a bad break up, it's all the same. Someday we'll all be gone from this earth, and what will matter? Who we loved and what we learned.
Thanks for reading :)
Our relationship ending was. . . Well, I'm sure you know; we've all had them. They're quite unpleasant. I had had tough breakups before, but none like this. Through it, my family and friends were there for me 100%. It's interesting to look back and see how each of them helped me in their own unique way. My mom was my strength when I questioned myself. My dad spent so much time talking things through with me, from the minute we broke up, until he could see I was truly feeling well again. One particularly hard night he gave me a hug. In my family, we hug for three reasons: 1) If we won't be seeing each other over the span of a week. 2) We're really proud of or very happy for someone. 3) Something very sad has happened. This hug was a #3 hug. I remember going to my room and just bawling until I fell asleep. That hug said, 'I love you. Things are tough right now.' I don't like when my dad admits something is hard, because that's when I know I'm not overreacting and that the situation is, in fact, tough. My siblings were amazing. Ashlee invited me everywhere with her. One afternoon we went for a walk and talked about it all. She was so insightful. Her perspective as a married woman helped me so much. Dal also talked things through with me. His advice reassured me everything was okay, and I had to do what was best for me. He calmed me. Brys would ask me everyday if I was doing okay. That let me know he cared. And my dear friend Kim, anything I could type on here would not do her support justice. I adore her.
Through it all, I learned so much about myself and about love. I felt like a new person in a way. I learned that it's important to do what feels right in my soul, regardless of how it may affect people. That may seem selfish, but it's not. Caring for myself is necessary. If I don't care for myself, how can I care for another person? If I'm not being who I want to be and living how I want to live, then I'm not being myself. I'm doing what other people want from me. If I'm living like that, I might as well be dead. I learned I need to use my voice and stand up for myself. I learned I need to not change for people. If I change for someone, that's my fault, not theirs. I learned that this thing we call love is work. Relationships require two hardworking people, with the same goals, in order for it to be successful.
I realized one night, in all my brokenness and tears, I was happy to be alive. Even though so much of my world at that time was trying, I knew I'd get through it. And I did. The thing about being broken, is that when you put yourself back together, you're stronger than ever. But you have to do it on your own. My family and friends were there and absolutely helped me. But I also had to decide that I wanted to get through it, I couldn't rely solely on them, I had to be strong too. Not to say that I wasn't weak, because I was, for a long time. But they carried me until I could hold myself.
My journal through those months is full of his name. I have little other than him over those pages, so I don't have a whole lot other than this to recap in the first half of this year's review. But that's not a bad thing at all. He gave me so much. This whole experience gave me so much. I am so grateful for it; tears, broken heart, and all. I wouldn't change it.
As I was going back through my journals this past year, I realized how hard 2012 was. There was so much sorrow to be had, not even including the break up. But struggles make us stronger. Know how diamonds are made? With intense heat and pressure. About 100 miles into the earth, and about 2,000 degrees is the recipe for one of the hardest (not to mention most gorgeous) natural materials that are nearly impossible to scratch. This year brought a lot of 'heat and pressure', but it's making me the prettiest, strongest diamond ever ;)
True that Agatha, true that.
JANUARY:
I was struggling with a lot of things at the start of the year. My heart was heavy. But without them knowing it, people helped me through. One night, I was writing in my journal about my struggles, and out of no where my friend text me and said how thankful she was for me and how much she loves me. The next day my cousin and I were texting and he said, "You're going to make some boy very happy, you're the whole package." Later that week, my sweet, lovely friend/co-worker left me little notes in my purse, informing me of my awesomeness. Isn't it funny how at the very moments you need to hear something, someone happens to say it?
I started dating the guy I spoke of before, in this month. He came at the time when I really needed him. And he stayed until I could be on my own. I'll love him forever for that. I realized life is tough, but only because it's been so wonderful.
FEBRUARY:
My good friend left on his mission. He's a big Taylor fan. I take that back, he is the BIGGEST Taylor fan. We went to her concert together in 2011. He had a shirt specially made for him to wear that night. The front read, 'Taylor Swift is a friend of mine.' And the back read, 'Kanye West is not.' Does it get any cooler than that?? I don't think so. The day before he left, his last text to me was this: "And you take a moment, promise me this! That you'll stand by me forever, but if God forbid fate should step in. And force us into a goodbye, if you have children someday, when they point to the pictures, please tell them my name! Tell them how the crowds went wild, tell them how I hope they shine! Long live the walls we crashed through I had the time of my life with you! Karinne always remember you are more amazing than you know! Stay Amazing!" Leave it up to him to send the perfect Taylor quote as his last words to me :) Ever feel like someone gives you waaaaay more than you could ever give them? That's how I feel with this guy. I miss him.
MARCH:
We had a family party on the 18th. My mom's side of the family came over. I was downstairs with the kids playing. It hit me how honest kids are. One of them told me all about their bike. One of them explained to me how they walk down the stairs. . Kids are so real. They say exactly what they're thinking. They find joy in the smallest of things, like having the ability to learn how to walk down stairs. Since then, I've been finding joy in the smallest of things, and it's made the biggest difference.
On the last day of March, my grandpa Linnell stopped by our home for a minute. He and Owen were playing. Watching them was priceless. Ever felt so much joy that you don't even smile, you just soak it in? This was one of those moments. Owen was laughing so hard playing with him. I couldn't help but notice how different they are; obviously my grandpa has been on the earth much longer than Owen. And at times it seems like that has taken its toll on him. He's a strong man with gray hair and creased skin. While Owen is new to this place with perfect skin and fluffy blond hair on the top of his tiny body. Nothing has hurt him yet. I found it fascinating that two souls, completely different, could share so much. I believe that's what we call love.
APRIL:
I went to the Festival of Colors for the first time. It. was. awesome.
One afternoon, my dad, Owen, and I were out swinging in the backyard. My dad was pushing Owen, then he snuck around and gave me 2 huge pushes, my butt even came out of the swing! We couldn't help but laugh. He said, "Remember when I'd do that when you were 'just little'?" I think in that moment we both longed for those days. Life was so simple. It made me wish I could have slipped into my 10 year old self for a while. "You never understand the true value of a moment, until it becomes a memory."
Owen turned 2!
For my birthday, my parents got me this picture that I love. I was so surprised when I opened it because I didn't know they knew how much I loved it. As I could feel the tears forming in my eyes I said, "I'm going to cry!" My dad said, "That's okay, you can cry." I love that man.
Perfect, isn't it?
On Mothers' Day we got together with my mom's side of the fam. My grandma gave all the mothers a cute little book. She came up to me, put one in my hands, and said, "Even though you're not a mom yet, you're still a woman." Then she gave me a hug. Sometimes at family events I feel a bit out of
place. I don't have a significant other, but I'm not a kid, and the majority of my family members fall into one of those categories. But my grandma helped me that day. Sweet Grandma of mine :)
One afternoon my mom and I were watching Owen. We filled up a little pool outside for him. We were talking about my childhood and how we'd get pitcher after pitcher of water, going in and out of the house, to fill up the little pool. As we sat there and watched Owen as he played my mom said longingly, "Why do they have to grow up?" That moment taught me to enjoy each moment. If I'm fortunate enough to have some babies of my own, I'm going to enjoy every sticky, messy, happy, noisy, funny, chaotic minute of it.
Kim invited me on a trip with her to NYC. Suuuuuuuch a great week. Loved it. Love her.
JUNE:
My mom broke her elbow. It was not a happy day. The morning after, I woke up and went upstairs. Bryson was flipping pancakes with the coaching of my mom, because she couldn't do it with her arm. He was having some trouble getting the hang of it. We were all laughing so hard. I realized the best way to start a day is with a good laugh.
Dal came into work. Right when he saw me opened his arms and said, "Quin!" and gave me hug. Remember what I said about my family and hugs? ;) I hadn't seen him since I left for New York. It felt like a really long time since I'd seen his face. I missed him so much and was so happy just to see him and feel his hug.
My journal is full of quotes from people I know and people I don't. Perhaps the #1 person I quote is Owen. One day the tv in my room was on. You know how if the dvd player is left on long enough the little 'DVD' sign will bounce around the screen? Well I turned around to see Owen jumping and hitting the screen, he yelled, "I got it!" I was laughing so hard at that kid.
One thing I love most about mine and Ashlee's relationship is our phone conversations. Some days we talk for over an hour and it feels like five minutes. One day in June we were talking on the phone, and Owen kept trying to tell me stuff, but I couldn't understand what he was saying, so Ash would interpret. One time he yelled something, again, I had no idea what, and Ashlee said so matter-of-factly, "He's telling you he has a rock." We laughed and laughed.
We took a little trip to St. George :)
JULY:
One very rainy day in July, my dad was outside with Owen for some reason I don't know. But they discovered the whole earth's population of snails living in our yard! Seriously, there were so many snails we couldn't even count them. They were everywhere! It was so cool. While were looking at them Owen kept saying, "Karinney, look!" Then he pointed to a small one and said, "Baby, aaaawe." My dad and I couldn't help but laugh at how cute he was.
One night after work, Owen and my dad were sitting in the driveway watching fireworks. As soon as I pulled up Owen started waving like crazy. He walked over to my car and kept saying "Karinney! Karinney!" then gave me a hug. Melted. My. Heart. Love love love that boy.
We took another trip to St. George. We laughed so much on this trip. Loved it :)
AUGUST:
On the 11th my dear aunt Julie got remarried. It was a lovely day. Before the ceremony started, she went up to each of her kids and hugged them individually for a few moments. For me, that was the best part of the wedding, even though it technically wasn't part of it. But it touched my heart. She could have been off getting ready and making sure everything was set. Instead, she acknowledged each of her kids. She let them know how special they are to her, and that they will remain just as important as they've always been.
My grandpa Ash was diagnosed with cancer. Very long and painful story short, he is doing well, all things considered. While he was recovering at home, Dal and I went in to mow his lawn. Dal mowed while I stayed inside and visited with my grandpa. I asked him how he was doing, expecting a "I'm hanging in there" or a lighthearted, "Could be better". I wasn't prepared for his response. He looked down and shook his head, explaining how hard it had been on him. I could see the pain in his face. This is a man I have no memory of seeing weak. My grandpa has always been a strength, always doing things on his own, and always helping others when they need it. He said the doctors told him he's lucky to be alive, although, at times, he would have been okay with the alternative. . . I sat there at the dining room table feeling so. . . there isn't a word for it. I didn't know what to say. I tried so hard in that moment not to cry. How terrible would it be for the man who is truly suffering to have to comfort my little heart? I remember I was able to tell him I was happy he's still here. That's about all I could muster.
SEPTEMBER:
Dal and I started going to Plato's Closet every payday. It's a fun little tradition for us :) One day while we were there, he held up a shirt and said, "Does it look like underwear?" I don't know why, but it was so funny. We busted up laughing. I love seeing his face when something makes him genuinely laugh.
Fall was a time of adjustment. All my siblings work for our family business. Until fall, mine and Ashlee's schedules were pretty similar. We'd see each other Mon-Fri, and carpooled basically every morning. We got really close. This month, things changed. I started working different hours. Most of the time when we do work together, there isn't much time to talk. And it seems like our lives have become so busy. We're still close, but it's hard to adjust to being with someone so often, then what seems hardly at all. Love you Ash.
OCTOBER:
My grandpa and grandma Linnell came over for dinner one night. We all hung out in the backyard. I love nights like that. Being with the people I love, laughing and talking, in the great outdoors :)
Love them all <3
Red came out :) I think I love it so much because I relate to her experiences. As I listened to it for the first time, I kept thinking, 'me too Taylor, me too.' Isn't that what we want from music, to hear a song and be able to say to the artist, 'yep, I definitely know exactly what you're talking about'? That connection, for whatever reason, makes me cheerful. My favorite tracks from Red change everyday, but my #1 favorite doesn't: "All Too Well". It's perfect.
"Begin Again" has been a fave lately:
"I've been spending the last 8 months
Thinking all love ever does
Is break and burn and end
But on a Wednesday in a cafe
I watched it begin again"
This song is a story of hope.You never know who you're going to meet or where you're going to meet them. Any old day, someone can walk into your life and give you something you've never had before. Not just a romance, but a real friendship, support, guidance, advice, or love; in any way of the word.
NOVEMBER:
Brys tried out for, and made the Sophomore basketball team at his high school. I'm so proud of him for finding something he's passionate about and working his butt off at it! Although it hasn't been exactly what he expected to be, he still gives it his all in every practice and game. Proud of you Brys :)
In church one Sunday, a girl was speaking, and she said something that really struck me. I can't even remember what she said exactly, but I remember how I felt about it. She said that something "enhanced her light". And that little phrase got me thinking; do I do things that enhance my being or do I do things that detract from who I want to be? Since then I question my actions and thoughts a lot more. I think about the purpose behind what I do. If it doesn't help my being or anyone else's, why do it?
DECEMBER:
One night before I went to bed, I watched Little Women. I forgot how much I love that movie. I used to be so mad that Jo ended up with the old guy and not Laurie, but I understand it now. Anyway, one of my favorite lines from the movie was at the end. Their aunt March had just passed away and she left her estate to Jo. They're going through their aunt's things and Marmee says, "Her blessing became a burden because she would not share them." I could expand on this thought for days, but that's a post for another time :)
My parents and I went to dinner and a Christmas concert one evening. We had a real good time! On the way home my dad said happily, "Well thanks for coming ladies. It was a fun evening." And I'm thinking, 'it was your idea, you paid for dinner and the concert tickets, and you drove us, yet you're the one thanking us for coming.' That's my dad in a nutshell. He doesn't think about what he can get out of things, only what he can give. Love him.
One night my Dad, my grandma, Owen, and I went and looked at the lights at Thanksgiving Point, then went to dinner after. As we were getting out of the car and walking into the restaurant, my dad was supporting his sweet mother so she didn't slip on the ice on the ground. I was carrying little Owen for the same reason. As we were waiting for our food and chatting, my grandma said, "Time sure does go by fast." Something hit me at that moment. My grandma, who is in her 70s, said that time has flown by. I have that same thought almost everyday. I can only imagine being 70 and having that many years to reflect on and feeling like it's only been the blink of an eye. I realized what's important: She raised my dad, helping him along in his life. Although my grandma still helps him, he helps her now too. Because she took care of him, he learned how to not only care for her back, but how to care for others; including me. Because he's taken care of me, I'll know how to take care of him and a family of my own one day. That's the thing; love is a chain reaction. We're all here. We're all on this earth together. We're all connected. We're never done helping each other. Whether we keep each other from slipping on ice, or offering helpful words through a bad break up, it's all the same. Someday we'll all be gone from this earth, and what will matter? Who we loved and what we learned.
Thanks for reading :)
Monday, January 7, 2013
Happy Bday Dal!
Dal is now 25 years old! My how we've all grown up so fast! I still feel like we all shouldn't be older than 17. . . Sheesh. It seems like a week ago I was writing his birthday post for last year. Tonight the family came over. We celebrated with dinner, cake, and ice cream :)
The Top 5 Things About Dal:
1. He is who he wants to be, through and through. He won't compromise that for anyone. He doesn't concern himself with people's opinion of him. He only cares about how he feels about himself.
2. He's a thinker. He questions everything. Most people go through life believing whatever they feel are trusting sources tell them. Not this guy. He listens to and thinks about different views, then ultimately figures things out on his own.
3. He's very informed. He absorbs information like a sponge. He spends a lot of his time reading and listening to everything from politics to random things he finds interesting. Ask him any question, he'll probably know the answer.
4. He will kindly tell you how it is. Sometimes the truth is hard to accept, but if you want to know it, he'll tell you. I know I can trust him to give it to me straight, no sugar coating. We all need a friend like that.
5. He's sweet. When he was in first grade, my mom was volunteering in his class. It was Valentine's day so she had been there helping with the class party. She brought Holl and I along, as were just little ones at the time. When it was time to go home, I said I wanted to walk with Ashlee and our cousin Natasha, who were both in third grade. Dal said he wanted to drive home with Holl and my mom. So as they started driving off, Ash, Tasha, and I started walking. I became a bit scared and anxious from all the kids running past me. Dal had been watching me from the car window as they drove away, got a really concerned look on his face, and said, "I need to walk with Karinne!" So my mom pulled over, he got out, grabbed my hand, and we walked home together. Sweet huh? Although now it seems he doesn't show his emotions very much, that sweet kid is still in there, and I see him come out in little ways all the time. His kindness is subtle. He doesn't want or expect recognition for the kindness he gives. That's when you know the kindness is real.
Happy Birthday Dal! Love you Brutha :)
This was my first attempt at a 'pound cake', get it?? ;) Dal loves dogs so I was excited to try it. I got the recipe from the book my cousin got me for Christmas. Thanks Andrea!
The Top 5 Things About Dal:
1. He is who he wants to be, through and through. He won't compromise that for anyone. He doesn't concern himself with people's opinion of him. He only cares about how he feels about himself.
2. He's a thinker. He questions everything. Most people go through life believing whatever they feel are trusting sources tell them. Not this guy. He listens to and thinks about different views, then ultimately figures things out on his own.
3. He's very informed. He absorbs information like a sponge. He spends a lot of his time reading and listening to everything from politics to random things he finds interesting. Ask him any question, he'll probably know the answer.
4. He will kindly tell you how it is. Sometimes the truth is hard to accept, but if you want to know it, he'll tell you. I know I can trust him to give it to me straight, no sugar coating. We all need a friend like that.
5. He's sweet. When he was in first grade, my mom was volunteering in his class. It was Valentine's day so she had been there helping with the class party. She brought Holl and I along, as were just little ones at the time. When it was time to go home, I said I wanted to walk with Ashlee and our cousin Natasha, who were both in third grade. Dal said he wanted to drive home with Holl and my mom. So as they started driving off, Ash, Tasha, and I started walking. I became a bit scared and anxious from all the kids running past me. Dal had been watching me from the car window as they drove away, got a really concerned look on his face, and said, "I need to walk with Karinne!" So my mom pulled over, he got out, grabbed my hand, and we walked home together. Sweet huh? Although now it seems he doesn't show his emotions very much, that sweet kid is still in there, and I see him come out in little ways all the time. His kindness is subtle. He doesn't want or expect recognition for the kindness he gives. That's when you know the kindness is real.
Happy Birthday Dal! Love you Brutha :)
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