I got the power.

Hello lovelies :) Oh how I've missed you!

It's story time.

I don't think we give ourselves enough credit of how much power we have. Simple sentences people have said to me over the course of the past few weeks have really impacted me...

Going back a few months... I had my heart set on something. Like reaaaaaaally set on it. Convinced myself it would happen. This 'something' may or may not have to do with a male. & may or may not be a specific male who is alive and breathing at this very moment.

Anyway, this 'something' didn't happen. At all. Almost, so close! Then nothing. Nada. Zip. Zilch. Done.

After it hit, this quote became my best friend:

Thanks Bob.

I was so bummed. Beyond bummed, and I couldn't snap out of it. I tried so hard, and I just couldn't. If you know me at all, that's not my character. I've never let my happiness be dependent on a relationship; I'm content being single, I'm content being a girlfriend. I tell girls all the time they need to be their own, before they are another's. This has been my mindset for so long:

Slowly, that mindset changed. This year, I turned 23, which isn't old, but here in Utah, it's kinda weird to still be single at this age. Most of my friends from high school are married with a kid or two. As this year has gone on, I have been on maybe 3 dates? The only prospect I was really interested in, led me to Bob's quote... ;) 

It seemed I was constantly reminded I'm single, and that it was a negative thing. Lots of people wanted to set me up on blind dates, which isn't a bad thing, but it takes a toll on me sometimes. In my ears, it sounds like this, 'Oh you're miserably alone?? Let me fix what's wrong with you. I have a friend of a friend of a friend who is alone too, you should go out!' And I'm like, 'Oh, my bad.... no thanks?' Then I've been around so many babies! And nothing makes you want to have a baby more than holding one... Goodness, little sweeties. Aaand June is prime wedding month. Nothing like going to multiple wedding receptions without a date to remind you how single you are.

Post-previously mentioned disappointment, I had these 4 'aha moments' (thank you Oprah).

I was on the phone with my sister, talking about my situation and said so matter-of-factly, "You've just seemed so miserable." And that cued the water works. I had been so miserable. I didn't want to be around anyone. I just wanted to be alone (there is my inner drama queen coming out).

I was talking to Dal about this male, and he asked, 'Well, what do you like about him so much?' and guess what? I couldn't even give him an answer. I didn't know. He said, 'All you've really said about him is that he's attractive.' & it was true, so true, and pretty pathetic.

I was talking to my dad about dating. He told me how much he loves me. How much I'm worth. How I deserve the very, very best, and I shouldn't settle in any way shape or form. I knew all that, but I don't think I truly believed it, until he said it, looking in my eyes with no hint of doubt.

Owen and I hung out last week, just the two of us :) That doesn't happen very often, and I was thrilled to get to chill with him. We went to the aquarium. We loved it :) Before we left, we got our pictures taken in the photo booth :)


As soon as the pictures printed off, he held his strip in his as tight as he could, and looked at it the whole way home. Driving home, he said, "That was fun. I liked seeing the fish. Can we go see the fish again, Karinney?" Later, when I was putting him to bed, he wasn't feeling well. He was crying and upset, so I sang to him and rubbed his back and eventually calmed him down.

That night, driving home, I realized something:

I had lost my focus. 

My conversation with Ashlee made me see I was wasting my life feeling miserable. I can change it. I have the power. She helped give it to me.

Dal reminded me how unaware I had become. I wasn't looking at people for who they were, but at only what I could physically see, which is a terrible, terrible way to go about living.

My conversation with my dad changed things a lot. I know I deserve the best, but now I really believe it. There's a difference. Dad's words gave me the power to believe it.

My night with Owen sticks with me so much. Maybe because as kids, you don't have to tell each other you love and care for each other. It's just a given. You say it through other things. I know he cares about me, because he held onto those pictures so tight. He knows I care about him because I stayed by him and sang until his sweet parents were home. His little soul helped me so much.

Bottom line: I forgot what I am. Ash reminded me I am a positive, cheerful person. Dad reminded me I'm his daughter, and don't all daughters deserve the very best? Dal reminded me who I want to be, and who I was becoming- changing that! Owen reminded me I'm a friend, I'm loved, I'm an example.

I'm so much more than a relationship status, and so are you.
There are more important things to do than fall in love.
If you fall in love with life, the rest will fall into place.

So I'm getting my focus back. No more tears over silly boys. No more losing touch with who I am. No more forgetting how much I'm worth. No more letting silly people dictate my moods. I got the power.

Watch out world, this girl is on fire.  
Thank you Alicia Keys.