Out of the Zone

Lately I've been trying to get out of my comfort zone. I've been trying to be braver; saying how I feel regardless of the possibility of uncomfortable confrontation. I've been trying new things; anything from food to longboarding. I've been trying to talk with and get to know people I don't know, or know very little about. This may not seem like a big deal, these things may seem so simple, and so easy to some of you. Let me explain...

I like keeping to myself. I have no problem sitting alone. I like sticking to routine. I'm not the best with spur-of-the-moment things. I'm not anti-social, but I wouldn't call myself a social butterfly...

For example: I don't like talking on the phone. I almost cried when I started working at age 14, because talking on the phone and in store with customers was 50% of my job. I was scared. It took me a long time to be comfortable with that type of interaction... Now I enjoy it. I like when customers come in, and although I only help them for a minute or two, I like making small talk. I like knowing a tiny bit of their story; whether they've been painting their house all day, with the proof on their hands, or they're getting ready for 'Survivor' night, or going to the park to enjoy the beautiful day. I love hearing about it.

I think my contentment of keeping to myself was a combination of shyness, insecurity, and most of all comfort.

I'm definitely not as shy as I once was. I'm over that.

Insecurity? Over that, too. I'm awesome.

Comfort... That is the kicker. It's so easy for me to stay in my comfort zone. It's easy to live in my own world and keep to myself. But guess what? Eventually, it gets old. There's no progression, no adventure, and no excitement in that.

This year I've been trying to get out of my zone, have more of a YOLO attitude (yes, I'm that cool), and say, 'yeah, why not?' instead of 'nope, definitely not'.

At the beginning of the year, my friends invited me and the bff to go country dancing. We were so hesitant. So hesitant that we said we would go, but we would definitely be in the corner the whole time, talking amongst ourselves. We went, danced, and had to our surprise, so much fun. It was definitely out of our zones, but we tried, and we conquered :)

Style wise, I've been trying to branch out. I've spruced it up a bit, wearing things that I loved, but thought were too weird. No more of that; a bit of weirdness it is :) The funny thing is, each time I've worn something 'weird' with confidence, I get compliments up the ying yang.

I've struggled a lot with saying how I feel, and telling people what I'm thinking. This year I've spoken up a lot more than I have in the past. I tell people when I disagree with them, and explain why, instead of just going with the flow. I won't sugar coat the truth when someone asks for it. I'll tell people how wonderful I think they are. I'll tell people if they hurt me. It's been hard for me to be direct with people, but I've learned I need to either say what's going on in my heart and brain, or regret holding my thoughts inside.

Financially, I'm not a big spender. I splurge every now and then, but I watch my pennies. I get anxiety when I spend a lot. So you can see how buying a new car almost made me sick. I couldn't sleep or eat for days, while in the process of buying it. I've never been in debt and the idea of being in debt for the next five years made me crazy. Even writing this I can feel myself getting anxious about it. But I did it! I feel grown up and more confident through making that decision. So glad I did it.

My calling at church has really made me get to know people. I've been in my ward for over 2 years and I probably only knew 1/3 of people's names, not to mention anything about them. Kind of sad. Kind of pathetic. For the past few months I've really tried to get to know people and learn their stories. There are so many lovelies I am fortunate to know. When I stop by someone's home to say hi or visit, I'm always so glad I did. On a couple occasions I've felt heartbroken leaving their homes. After they share a heavy part of their story with me, I'm so sorry I wasn't there for them sooner. I'm so disappointed in myself that I could have been their friend and helped them, instead of staying comfortable, and keeping to myself.

At the end of the day, we all want to be loved. We all want a friend. We all want someone we can call when we're confused, relieved, broken, or ecstatic. I have so many of those 'someones' that I want to be as many people's 'someone' as I can. 

Here's to ending my comfort zone.
So far, so good.

I am new. I am free.