I wish I had known then...

It seems like so much emphasis these days is being put on young girls... or maybe I notice those conversations more because I happen to be a girl... Either way, I've seen, heard, & read a lot lately;

this video on youtube & this blog post all over facebook

My dad asks me about apps & social media, to stay informed, get my input, and try to keep my younger brother from getting involved in not-the-best of things. Then he tells me how people use these apps in ways I'd rather not know...

 I've had conversations with two of my co-workers, who are both in high school. One knows 8 girls her age who are pregnant. The other knows a girl her age whose mom encourages her to post pictures in her bikini on instagram...

And last but not least, Miley. Truth is, after I got over the craziness & shock of her performance, I was sad. I was so sad for her.

I thought life was challenging when I was a teen. Compared to now? Not even close (I thought only parents said that...). And my teenage years, my friends, were only a few years ago.

My heart breaks for these young girls growing up in such a time. Not only do they worry about normal life, but virtual life too. They're focused on followers, friends, texts, tweets, likes, & comments. They constantly see edited pictures of their friends and celebrities looking flawless & compare themselves to the unreachable perfection. They'll make mistakes, do stupid things, post embarrassing pictures, and tweet & text words that can't be deleted, for all the world to see. All in the attempt to feel validation through 'likes'.

All this got me thinking about what I would tell the young ladies of the world if I could reach them all...

So I took a trip back to my 14-year-old self, and tried to relive the years following... I didn't like it. I don't like going back there. I almost wanted to cry... 

These are just a handful of the things I wish I had known (and believed) then...

-There's nothing wrong with being a good girl. I hated being labelled as a 'goody good'. The way people looked at me, and talked to me at times made me feel like I was doing something wrong by being 'good'. I never did drugs, drank alcohol, failed classes, had sex, or went to a real party. Some days I'd leave school early because of comments people would make about me never doing anything wrong. Even at home, my siblings would have me ask our parents for something we wanted, because I was the 'perfect one' and they'd supposedly be more inclined to say yes to our request. It was tiring, because friends, I am not perfect. Some days I could feel the frustration building inside me; I'd want to go out and do something to give people a shock. I wanted them to see I wasn't perfect; I've done and said p.l.e.n.t.y of things I'm not proud of.

To those 'good girls', hang in there dolls. Hold on to your pureness. Being 'good' isn't bad. Be proud that you've done what you've felt in your heart to be right. Be proud that you've lived how you've truly wanted to. Be proud you didn't let others convince you to do things you didn't want to. In a few years, you'll look back and be glad you didn't go out and do something to give the world a shock.

& to you 'bad girls' who want to be good. It's never to late. You got this.
I promise.


-Confidence is your golden ticket. It'll take you places you never knew you could go. It's hard to gain. It's hard to know how or what to do to grasp it. Once you get it, you'll be free as a bird & wonder how you ever stayed on the ground :)

1. Try new things; anything from baking or drawing, to yoga or the flute.
(This blog was an attempt at getting out of my comfort zone & now maintaining it is one of my favorite things to do.)



2. Remember, failure isn't a bad thing; it means that you tried. & no one ever regretted trying.

 

3. Fear is a prison. Don't let what others will think stop you from saying, doing, or being something. Use that voice of yours, no matter how quiet it is. With each assertion you'll gain more confidence and courage, and your voice will go from the size of a mouse squeak, to the roar of a lion.

4. Don't rely on compliments from others to keep you confident; that is temporary. Compliment yourself. When you look in the mirror, tell yourself only positive things. Tell yourself how pretty you are, how great you look, how gorgeous you are. Talk to yourself like you would someone you love, and you'll come to find your love for you :)

5. Think for yourself. Consider other's opinions & points of view, but ultimately, listen to & heed your soul- deep down in there. It won't let you down.

-Comparing yourself to others is the worst thing you can do for yourself. It fills your soul with hatred not only towards others, but towards yourself. Want to know a secret?

We compare our worst to everybody's best.

So when you're sitting in your room, scrolling through your instagram feed and seeing all those gorgeous selfies, remember this: those girls took an hour to get ready, took 15 pictures to get the right one, then they spent 20 minutes editing it until it looked just perfect. So you, sitting there in your pajamas after a long day may not feel as beautiful as them, but guess what?

You are.

& if you wanted to, you could spend all that time and energy into having a pretty selfie, too. And you'd get just as many likes. But it wouldn't matter, because what matters is feeling good about yourself, not having others feel good about you.

Instead of comparing yourself to other gals, compare yourself to who you were a day ago, a week ago, a year ago. What have you improved on? What have you accomplished? What have you learned?


-Read. Read. Read. Read. Turn those Kardashians off and open your mind to things of importance; growth, intelligence, wisdom. Search until you find a book that makes you want to read. Don't stop looking, they are out there! Care more about what's in your head, instead of what's on it.

 

-When you get dressed in the morning, don't choose your outfit & hairstyle based on who you'll see that day. Base it on what you feel comfortable, pretty, and confident in. Dress for you. 

Beauty isn't simply how you look; it is being the best version of yourself inside and out. Kindness is never ugly & neither are those who give it.
 

 

-I've come to find that I knew almost nothing of love when I was a teen (including nineteen.) It's hard to learn not only how to love, but how to be loved as well.

Boys matter far less than you give them credit for. They should take up maybe 3.2% of your thoughts, not 83%.

If a boy tells you you are a word that starts with a 'b' and ends with an 'itch', he doesn't & never will appreciate you. Run like crazy, girl.

Don't blow off your friends or family for a boy. Chances are, one day that boy will be gone, and you'll be wishing you would have been better to those who really care about you. (& if you're entire family is telling you a boy isn't good for you, he isn't. It's okay to admit you shouldn't have been with him. Common mistake.)

 If a boy asks you to send him a picture message with some clothes missing, don't respond. Block his number. You won't regret it. Boys who deserve your attention would never ask that of you. A man worth being with, will be more interested in your mind & soul than your body.

Remember this gem. Thanks Rob Bell.

Ladies, if he loves you, he'll keep his hands to himself. He'll use his hands to hold yours, to hug you, to wipe your tears away, and to hold your face after a gentle kiss. He won't try anything else. My friend has dated the same boy for years. Not once has he tried anything with her. & never has she been more in love or loved, than with him.

When it's really, really love, you won't be silently convincing yourself that it is. You won't be trying to make people believe that it is. You won't be wondering to yourself, 'is this it?'.

Being in love isn't nearly as important as I thought it was, years ago. Figuring out love is hard. It's tricky; manipulation looks like love. Pet names sound like love. A kiss feels like love. But those things don't always mean love.

Don't be in a hurry to find a guy to fall in love with. I promise, you could go out right now and find a willing guy. But you want the right one. & the right one is worth the wait.

Focus on you. Do what you love. Learn all you can about yourself and life. He'll be there when you're both ready. I promise.


-Drama. Liars. Cheaters. Those words seem to coincide with high school.
I once had my 2 very best friends, the people with my full trust, completely destroy it. I didn't know how they could do the things they did. I had never cried so hard in my life. I had never been so mad, so upset, so confused, so broken, and so hurt. I wasn't worried about forgiving them. I just wouldn't talk to either one of them for the rest of my life... but that did work. I realized I had to forgive them. I had to tell the 2 people who had hurt me more than anyone ever had, that it was okay. And I had to mean it.

It took a long time. Months & months & months. Almost a year.

It wasn't until I ran into one of them that I realized I could forgive him.

 I realized, forgiving doesn't mean you accept people back in your life the way they were before. It means if you happen to see them, you can smile at them, and be at peace.

So forgive the girls that told you you were stupid and ugly. Forgive the boy who kissed you and wouldn't talk to you again. Forgive the teacher who made you feel like a fool.

Let it go.

 -Surround yourself with those who make you better; who lift you up.

 

Sometimes people like this are hard to find. But they're out there. Keep looking.  You really only need a few real friends, not dozens of people who claim to have your back.

When your friends get jealous a boy likes you, or gets upset that you are captain of the team and not her, or tells you a boy called you ugly; it's time to get new friends. Those girls aren't 'the real ones'. They don't appreciate you for you.

When your parents seem over-protective, judgmental, and annoyingly into your life, it is simply because they love you. They're doing their job as a person who brought a human being into the world. They want nothing but happiness for you. Regardless of how bothersome it is at times, remember it's done out of love and nothing else. They know your worth. They're trying to help you see it, too. You don't always have to get along, but respect their opinion.

-Don't speak unkind words about anyone, it will only bring you lower.

Know those people you can't stand? Maybe you're jealous of them, maybe they're arrogant, or maybe they bug you for some reason you can't figure out.

Give them a compliment.

It's hard to dislike someone you are complimenting. Soon enough, they won't bug you so much, and your heart will have more room for love.

 

Everyone has a story and you'd probably be shocked to hear most of them. Don't judge. You don't know where people have been, or why they live the way they do. Only love them.

Do at least one thing to help the world every day; bring in the neighbor's trash cans from the curb, do the dishes for your mom, or smile at a stranger. You'll never know the big impact little things can make. Focusing on helping others will calm your soul & clear your mind.

You don't need tens or hundreds of likes on a photo to be pretty.

You don't need to be in love to be happy.

You don't need to be someone else to be confident.

 Love yourself, every bit of you.

Stay strong ladies.