My Evolution.

Development. 

Advancement. 

Growth. 

Rise. 

Progress. 

Expansion.

These concepts have been floating around my mind the past few years...

& the last couple months I've been thinking about how I've made those thoughts actions. I'm a bit surprised at who I've become. Pleasantly surprised, that is.

It's a bit weird to think about how/who I used to be. It seems every year I look back and think, 'Man, I was so dumb..' I don't know if that's good or bad... I think good... Because that means I'm getting smarter, right? 

I used to be so scared of spiders. I'd cover them with a cup (& just to be safe, I'd put a heavy book on top of it, so the creep could not escape) and then yell to a family member to come kill it. Now, spiders don't scare me at all. Because when I really thought about it, what was there to fear about those little guys? They still startle me, but I just take them and put them outside. I don't like killing them. Call me a hippie, it's fine. Once I realized that there was really nothing to fear about them, a lot of other, bigger fears, faded away too.

I used to hate hiking. And when I say 'hate', I seriously mean it. Growing up, when my parents said we were going hiking, I turned into a whiner and hoped it would rain. What was the point of being out in the heat, covered in dirt, walking through trees, and being surrounded by bugs? Ewww... Now, there is no place I'd rather be than in the mountains, looking at the earth, dirt on my skin, and feeling the fresh air in my body. I love the quiet. I love the peace. I feel closest to myself and to my maker there. The mountains are my home, my soul craves them.

I used to despise sweating. And by sweating, I mean exercise. Gross. Gym classes in school were the worst. I would do just enough so the teacher would count me as participating, and not a sit-up more. I hated getting all damp and sticky. Now, I'm at the gym 5-6 days a week. My body aches to move. If I'm not getting that moisture out of my pours during a workout, I push myself until I do. I love the feeling of leaving that building with sticky skin, aching muscles, and a clear mind. Nothing makes me feel quite as strong.

I used to be so excited if a guy called me pretty. Yay, he likes me! It was the best compliment, such a confidence booster... temporarily, that is. Now, there are a million other compliments I'd rather have before 'good-looking'.

Intelligent.

Clever.

Positive.

Strong.

Capable.

& Kind, to name a few.

 I am not my body. I am my soul. I want my future partner to find that attractive, not just its vessel.

 I used to be scared to try. Know how long I've kept a journal? 

Basically my whole life. 

Know how long I've loved it? 

Yep, my whole life. 

Know how long the world has known that?

Since April 21, 2011, when I clicked 'publish' for the first post on this little site. It wasn't until about a year and a half after that, that I told people other than family, that I had a blog. Thank you, Facebook.

Why did it take me so long?

I was afraid.

These were my thoughts, laid right out. This was me. What if people didn't like it? What if they thought I was dumb?

I didn't do what I truly loved, for fear of failure.

But failure is relative. I think failure is success.

True failure, is not even trying.

So, I tried. & all your sweet souls have given me the greatest of feedback ever since.  

Happy heart :)

Thank you from the depths of my soul.

Now, if there's something I want to do, I try it.

What people will think isn't a factor in my mind.

So, I write. 

& I lift my little weights at the gym, while the guy next to me pumps his 100 pounders. 

& I attempt to play the guitar, with my little hands.

& I run outside, looking like a mess.

& I cook. If the meal turns out gross, I sure know what to do better next time.

& I reach out to new friends, because we're not in high school anymore, so no one is too cool for me.

& I love it all.

I used to compare myself to every other girl on the planet.

She's prettier than me.

She's smarter than me.

She's skinnier than me.

She's funnier than me.

And that, my friends, is miserable. Now, I don't do that anymore.  
Good for those girls, being pretty, smart, fit, and funny.

I am my only competition. 

...I am happy in my skin & mind...

How's your evolution?

Are you close to who you were this time last year?