My Sister.

Good evening.
I should be writing a six page paper for my psychology class,

but I'm not.

I'm okay with it.

I got time... it might be running low...

but I wanted to write something from my soul.

I haven't blogged for 2 weeks & my being is having withdrawals.

At this moment, I'm feeling a bit melancholy. I usually don't use that word. It feels weird leaving my lips. Also, on Titanic, Cal used that word once in the film & for some reason I just can't hear it differently now.

 I try to stay positive. It is key in life.
But sometimes, a few tough things happen all at once.
When that happens, it's easy to remember every little thing that I feel isn't working out.
Then I turn into this drama queen,
& tell my mom, 'I'm quitting everything, I'll just lay here on the floor & sleep my life away.'

Honestly & in all seriousness,
I think my mood reflects a part of my heart I really don't let anyone into.
Even though it's an old wound, it's still very tender.
So I'll just let the tears roll down my cheeks as I type this...

Sometimes, I really miss my sister. 
& by 'sometimes', I mean 'all the time.'

Sometimes I really miss her attempting to watch the Anne of Green Gables series in one weekend. I'd bug her all day Saturday, begging her to hang out with me, until she did. I miss knowing her favorite shows.

 

Sometimes I miss when I'd freak out over something so stupid and she'd grab my shoulders, look in my eyes sternly, and tell me to calm down and get a grip.

Sometimes I miss begging her to let me pluck her eyebrows. (Perhaps I'm a weirdy & love using those tweezers...) She'd say no all evening until she'd finally give in. As I pulled her eyebrows out one at a time, she'd make this face like she was in pain, but couldn't help laughing at the same time. I miss that.

 Sometimes I miss her coming into my room at night, just to talk. Because those were the best of conversations; the deepest & the most hilarious. I miss laughing with her.

Sometimes I miss her advice. She knew I wasn't the strongest at voicing my opinion, but she'd help me do it when it really mattered. She helped me be brave. I miss looking up to her.

Sometimes I miss staying up with her until 3 in the morning rewinding the last five minutes of High School Musical, to try and learn the silly dance. We're all in this together....

 Sometimes I miss her helping me with technology. I'm not gifted in that area. She'd always help me figure things out the computer or my ipod. I miss her smarts.

 Sometimes I miss her doing her television impressions. Whenever she'd have a bowl of ice cream, for some reason she'd feel the need to pretend she had her own cooking show. She'd explain everything she was doing as she mixed her ice cream and chocolate syrup together. I could not help but laugh so hard at those shows. Even now, they still bring a smile to my face.

Sometimes I miss her calling me, in tears and upset. And I would do my best to calm her down, until I could see her in person and help her figure things out. I miss knowing what's upsetting her.


Since she left, it's like a part of my heart is missing. Nothing else fills it, nothing else makes it complete.

 
I know that that part of my heart is troubled, only because it experienced something so wonderful & real.
& that wonderful, is totally worth the trouble. 

 So if you have a sister, could you do me a solid? 
Could you give her a call & tell her how grateful you are that you were born to the same parents?
 Could you tell her how much you love her & how much you care about her?

That might help my melancholy mood.

Hollie, you are so loved.
always & forever, sista.