Belief.

Sometimes I spend lots of hours on a single post.

Sounds kind of crazy, right?

They're like 5 paragraphs, how could they take that long?

I type, delete, type, feel inspired, almost finish, question if the whole thing sounds ridiculously stupid, seriously consider deleting it, decide to keep it as a draft for a few days, revise it later, then post it and hope I conveyed how I felt. 

Tonight is kind of different. I'm sitting here, in the dark, in my oversized mustard sweater that I love, & I just want to write. No overanalyzing, no overthinking, no worry about correct grammar, no debate over what I should or shouldn't post... I just want to write.

The past little while I've been feeling really at peace. Sometimes I get so caught up on what's not happening, how I planned & expected, that I turn into a drama queen. But lately, I've felt really calm, even though life hasn't happened how I thought it would.

Mostly, wholly because I've come to not only realize, but accept the fact my plan for myself, isn't always what's best for me. My maker's plan for me, however, is perfect.

There are so many instances I can look back on and say, 'Wow, good thing that awful thing happened!', 'Thank heavens that didn't work out!', or, 'I'm so glad what I wanted then didn't pan out.'

In the moment, tough things feel like they will never be over; it's just one thing after another.

But the point isn't for them to be over; they are the point. They are one of the main reasons we are here; 

to make us stronger, better, & wiser.

One thing I've struggled with is aligning my will with God's. I don't know why I ever question it... I mean, he's God for goodness sake. His timing is flawless. Even when things aren't happening how I imagined, it's all part of the plan He has in place for me.

One thing that's really helped me find this realization, is you. So many of you have helped me, most, without knowing it...

A dear friend of mine's father was diagnosed with cancer. They started a blog to keep friends and family updated on his journey. On one of the posts, they asked readers not to pray for a full recovery, but to pray for acceptance of God's will. I bawled reading those words. Their faith in their maker is... there isn't a good enough word- incredible, beautiful, amazing, strong... & the list of adjectives goes on.

My friend from high school went through a divorce. She is one gal I've always looked up to. Her belief in God and all that He is has always given me strength. I feel like I can see her belief in Him, just by looking at her. When I heard about her divorce, I was so heartbroken. The first time I saw her after I heard of her situation, I wasn't surprised... She looked drained, like she was trying so hard to keep it together, but one thing I could see in her eyes was, she wasn't giving up. She was fighting hard to keep herself together. She didn't give up on God, when she could have blamed Him for everything. She clung to Him with all she had.

 I creeped on a girl's blog... is that weird? oh well if it is... She and her husband had been trying to have a baby for so long. They tried for two years, until they finally had a successful pregnancy. Her telling of their journey stuck with me sooo much. She wrote of being jealous of those having babies. She wrote of trying not to be bitter. She wrote of all the different things they tried to help them conceive. She wrote of the emotional toll infertility can take on a person. She wrote of wanting to give up on their dream, and close the door forever. But they didn't. They decided to give it one last try... and it was worth it. She wrote of how ultimately, it brought her closer to God & understanding His plan for her.

 

 I love Corrie. Ever read The Hiding Place? If you answered 'no', I highly suggest you make it so you could truthfully answer 'yes'.

There are so many other instances & stories I could tell about resilience, but alas, the alarm clock goes off in a matter of hours & this girl needs her sleep.

I just want to say thank you to you all;

for being strong in your hardest moments,

for keeping faith when it's easy to let go,

and for sharing the experiences closest to your hearts with me.

You inspire, strengthen, and shape me;

In my moments of weakness, one of your faces and story will find it's way to the front of my mind. 

& I'll remember your belief & it strengthens mine.