It's (kind of) That Time of Year

Good evenin' :)

If you haven't noticed, it's Halloween time...
I am not a fan.
in
the
slightest.

So I'm skipping on over to the designated 'thankful' time of year; enough with the scary, bring on the gladness!

But mostly -honestly- my heart has been really full lately, like it's going to burst from so much goodness.

So, here is a glimpse of the grateful part of my heart lately:

1. I'm grateful for my body. For the longest time my goal had been to be thin, to be skinny. With that mindset, I didn't always do what was best for my body. I mistreated it. A few months ago, I decided I didn't want that anymore. I was fed up with not feeling good enough. My body is a gift. It functions just as it was designed to. How ungrateful I had been to not be happy with it because I couldn't squeeze into a size 1 pant... So this past month and a half, my attitude & perspective has really changed; I don't want to feel tired & sick from trying to be thin. I want to be strong. I want to be able to use my body the way it was intended. I want to be fit. So I got a personal trainer and just finished my last session with her. She taught me so much about strength training- I am so grateful to her (thanks Nicole! :)). Although it's only been a month and a half, I can see changes. Not a ton physically yet, but mentally. It's amazing how much challenging my body in that way can rid me of stress and boost my confidence. I've never felt so strong & at peace with who I am.

2. I'm thankful for all the times my heart was broken. I've mentioned before, my best friend was reunited with her love after 2 years. I went on a double date with them last week. It was my first time meeting him & seeing them together. It made me so happy. I can't explain what they have... it's real, period. That's it. Being on that date with them made me grateful for one thing; that I hadn't settled. In the past, I've had opportunities to marry, but my heart wouldn't let me. It knew there was more. There was something missing in those relationships, something I couldn't really explain, but my heart knew. One day, I'll find that missing piece with someone new. Until then, I'm so grateful for all the tears I've cried, the sleepless nights, the disagreements, & the brokenness. Those 4 things have given me more than a marriage with any of those men ever could have. They taught me to trust myself & to trust God. They taught me how strong I am. They helped me realize what I deserve. I will forever be grateful for that.

3. I'm grateful for this gal.

Birdy is a dream.
I really want to tell you all about her, but I don't think I would do her justice.
You have to hear her for yourself.

She's natural, raw, & pure.
She doesn't try too hard. It's almost like she doesn't try at all;
her talent seems so effortless.
I feel like before she performs she's thinking, 'Hi, I'm Birdy, I'm just here to play a song for you guys.'
& that's all she wants.

She's a breath of fresh air.

This song has been on repeat for... ever. I can't stop myself, nor do I care to.

          
Faith in humanity restored.
Thanks Birdy.

4. I'm grateful for my travels. I've been able to see so much of the world. It never ceases to amaze me, this planet we live on. Travel awakes my soul. It has shaped who I am- it's made me better, fuller.

Experiencing new places fills me with... something. I don't know the word. Maybe there isn't one for what I'd like to convey... how do I explain... When someone mentions North Carolina, I remember laughing with Ashlee in a photobooth and poor little Owen crying in all the pictures. When someone mentions St. George, I think of my dad & the time he offered to drive Hollie and I down there for a concert of a band we liked. When someone mentions Montana, I think of Dallan and me laughing so hard in our tent after the hardest, longest hike of our lives. When I hear the words 'Grand Canyon', I think of our Aerostar van, no a/c, burning summer, & the stories we now tell of that lovely, sweaty drive ;) When I hear 'China Town', I think of high school choir tour, Maren, Kristen, and I, & our matching bras & Hannah Montana shirts- we were cool ;) When someone mentions Bryce Canyon, I think of Kim, pouring rain, & laughing at how cold and wet we were.

San Fransisco

St. George

Illinois

Glacier

Great America

Moab/Arches

Big Cottonwood Canyon

Zions

 Bryce Canyon

Disneyland

Cedar City

Idaho

Park City

North Carolina

Six Flags

Yellowstone

Arizona

Texas

Zion Ponderosa

Brooklyn

American Fork Canyon

Sea World

Grand Canyon

Kannaraville Falls

Las Vegas

San Diego

Provo Canyon

Lake Tahoe

Nauvoo
NYC
Sacramento
&
Myrtle Beach
 all hold pieces of me; they are part of my story.
They taught me something; they gave me something.
They are all part of my heart forever.

I'm fortunate to have been able to experience all that I have. I'm so grateful to all the people who have made my travels possible. Whether it's been across the country, or a place an hour away from my home, I am thankful for you who have helped me get there; my parents, siblings, friends, friends of friends, and various organizations. You are part of my heart forever.
 

Thank you <3

5. I'm thankful for these people (my roomies ;))

Where do I begin?

This year has been a roller coaster.. but I've come to find, that is life. It forever has been, and always will be a roller coaster. These 3 souls have been there for me at every point on my bumpy ride. I've cried on many occasions to them out of frustration, sadness, and confusion. & as hard as the world tries, at times, to keep me down, they keep building me up.

A few months ago, Mom & I shared a lovely brownie and had a nice little (okay, a big) cry together. It had just been one of those days (okay, maybe weeks... okay, maybe parts of life are just rough for long periods of time) for us both. It was one of those times each of us had to cry for all the unfairness in the world... (I know, that's a whole lot of tears). My mom and I haven't always had the closest relationship, but after that talk I think we understood each other much more clearly than we ever have before.

Remedy for a tired heart:
A good brownie,
lots of tears,
& Mom.

Dad & I have always been close. A while ago, I was going to do something I knew he wouldn't be too fond of. So I tried to keep it from him... of course it came out, (it always does, even at age 23). We talked for a while about it. I'm sure he was frustrated, maybe even baffled; because looking back, I am a bit baffled about my logic as well (live & learn, right?). While we were talking he looked at me and said, "You knew what I'd think about this, that's why you didn't tell me.." Then he chuckled; I'm pretty sure he was thinking, 'you little turkey' ;) then he said, "I am your conscience, Karinne." That really hit me. I've thought about those words a lot since; I am your conscience. If I had always looked at myself the way my dad sees me, I would have made much, much better decisions.

He will always think I'm worth more than anyone could measure.
He will always want the absolute best for me.
He will always think I deserve the best.

The other night Brys and I were talking. He said, "Man, Karinne, I can't wait for you to get married." & I'm thinking ''how sweet, he's dying to have the whole basement to himself'.' I laughed and asked him why. He said with a smile, "'Cause your husband is going to be so awesome! You're so awesome, imagine how cool he's going to be."
I almost broke down in tears.
That my friends, is love.

6. I'm grateful for you. For staring at the screen right now, reading my heart laid out in words.

I wish you knew how much...
 each and every comment,
every single e-mail,
every 'like' on my link from facebook,
all the texts,
& conversation that include "I read on your blog..." means to me.
 I wish I could explain it. Those words are always received with the happiest & most grateful of hearts. You'll never know.
Thank you.

How's your heart doing?
What does it appreciate most?
<3